Remember when you were little and you thought Band aids fixed everything? You fell down, even if you weren't bleeding. .you wanted a band aid.. because Band aids fixed everything. Even if you were bleeding and it was bad enough that you thought it would fix it (even though your father knew it was going to need stitches) you wanted a band aid. What about when someone bruises your heart? You want to find that same magical power behind that little plastic strip... and then it hits you band aids don't fix everything. I am not sure how much longer this is supposed to go on before we wear out the stickyness of that magical plastic strip. When do we admit we made a valiant effort but maybe it wasn't enough? When do the motions of life start being life and stop being wake up, eat, move about, eat, rinse repeat and do it all over again?
Yesterday he read the blog, said nothing but offered a tender hug.. by the stove.. a one armed hug. He made an attempt.. but he doesn't get it. Or maybe i am just tired of trying to make him understand. I feel like an outsider in my own house, and it sucks. Bad. To make matters worse, I can't say any of this to him, because he will jump to the defensive and that won't solve a thing. The hell with a band aid.. when does "I love you" stop being enough? Or what do you do when it has? What do you do when you realize things are broken, do you sweep up the glass and push them under a rug, or do you try to find the super glue? I can sit here and cry and he will sit in his own oblivion unaware that he's tearing us apart.... Band aids don't fix everything.. and sometimes they don't fix anything.