Remember when you were little and you thought Band aids fixed everything? You fell down, even if you weren't bleeding. .you wanted a band aid.. because Band aids fixed everything. Even if you were bleeding and it was bad enough that you thought it would fix it (even though your father knew it was going to need stitches) you wanted a band aid. What about when someone bruises your heart? You want to find that same magical power behind that little plastic strip... and then it hits you band aids don't fix everything. I am not sure how much longer this is supposed to go on before we wear out the stickyness of that magical plastic strip. When do we admit we made a valiant effort but maybe it wasn't enough? When do the motions of life start being life and stop being wake up, eat, move about, eat, rinse repeat and do it all over again?
Yesterday he read the blog, said nothing but offered a tender hug.. by the stove.. a one armed hug. He made an attempt.. but he doesn't get it. Or maybe i am just tired of trying to make him understand. I feel like an outsider in my own house, and it sucks. Bad. To make matters worse, I can't say any of this to him, because he will jump to the defensive and that won't solve a thing. The hell with a band aid.. when does "I love you" stop being enough? Or what do you do when it has? What do you do when you realize things are broken, do you sweep up the glass and push them under a rug, or do you try to find the super glue? I can sit here and cry and he will sit in his own oblivion unaware that he's tearing us apart.... Band aids don't fix everything.. and sometimes they don't fix anything.
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4 comments:
From being on the inside of a really broken relationship and then watching it shatter into pieces that no one even picked up, let alone tried to put back together....
I don't have answers. I don't understand the uber short fuse, the two volumes (broody silences & full on yelling) It's not just him. It's everyone.
I haven't got any answers for you, and I wish I did. I feel guilty for being in the way, but I know it was like this when I wasn't around.
We're all as dysfunctional as we can possibly let ourselves be. I wish I had a new sort of superglue, a new bandaid. But bandaids only cover up wounds in the long run. The wound has to heal itself.
So....
In my effort to do whatever a best friend can do. ya'll need a night. so we're gonna find one hopefully soon! where he doesn't work and can call out the next day..
I'll watch the brats overnight and get them to school... (hmm you might have to be back to real life to pick up David...or it'll get complicated.)
But this is up to you...
It's just an offer...
sigh...
it sucks.. and he doesn't get it. You can't yell all the time, or at some point it's the only attention a kid gets, and then... they do stuff to get yelled at. IT's a vicious circle...
Back to music being the answer....
far back as I remember
from the shadows that I cam
abuse, neglect, and fear
the recipe for rage
somewhere deep inside me
love and trust survived
if not for that i never would have made it to the light
(thanks RMc for that bit of wisdom)
ok....fingers crossed for a better day...
M
I'm at a loss for words and I know that you totally know why. I will say that I am with Mel and I'll go w/ her to get Rocky *smile*. But you know your soul sista is here girly! And if nothing else us girls can go to the airport and get a random ticket to paradise and have the three hottest cabana boys around!
cabana boys?!? where?!! I'm in!!!
They are in my perfect world where there are no hard headed men! And its all you can eat w/o gaining a pound, and drink w/o getting drunk! LOL
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