The Old Lady in the shoe has got nothing on me!

Trust me.. I mean it.

I mother six our house sanity is optional.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

When you grow up...

This is a blanket letter to my children all of them.
I hope they take this as seriously as it is meant....
Dear Children:
When you grow up I hope at least once a week you have to question your children if they were raised in a barn. While we both know there is no livestock in our house, I also remember that each of your rooms had carpet on the floor. Can you please identify the last time you saw it?
When you grow up I hope that you field phone calls discussing with you the way your child is behaving, that your son or daughter swings from the rafters and is defiant. I hope your child makes you question passing on your DNA. Yep, paybacks suck.
When you grow up I hope you make at least one meal that causes a head to be cocked to the side, as if a loud pitched sound is being played in their head. I hope you have spent more than 30 minutes in the kitchen just to hear "Can I just have cereal?"
When you grow up I hope your Saturdays are spent at the baseball field, your weeknights are spent driving your mini van that should have a meter inside because welcome to our world. (Not that baseball and chorus is not fun, but there are times it is also WORK)
When you grow up I hope your child screams at you that you are the meanest parent in the world, because if that happens I will know I have done my job right.
See, I am not wishing you anymore than I have been given. I do hope you have a very happy life and I am sure each of my grandchildren will be as perfect as my children are to their grandparents.
I also know that halos and horns go hand in hand..
you can not fool me.
Just remember this kids, someday remember this.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Post it Note Tuesday

I am not sure I can express how much I love Post it Note Tuesday, mostly because I love that you can express how you are feeling in one little stickie.. It really is fun...and freeing. So here are mine for today:

So there you have it.. my post it notes. This is really alot of fun! I hope you do it too!!

Monday, March 29, 2010

Not me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week

I did NOT go to dinner on Friday night determined to finally cheat because hey I could, only to discover the only things that were cheat worthy I did not want. So instead I counted points and behaved

I did NOT get woken up Saturday morning to my 2 year old dropping my cell phone on my face as it was ringing with family drama at 8:21 AM
I have NOT had to deal with more family drama than most people do in a year this week.

I certainly did NOT eat Jelly Belly Jelly Beans for dessert last night because if i counted them out they were only 3 points. .. I did now however eat my last 6 points worth :oX oops.

I did NOT discover (again) that even though Emily was zonked out on the couch I was still watching Dora.. fun stuff.... someone has got to get me to turn off the TV

I did not wake up for the third day in a row happy that the weather is warmer, but really feeling the change in the weather. Gotta love allergies!

and finally.....I did not find Emily the cutest Disney Easter dress at the Thrift store with TAGS still on it! I paid $2.98 for her dress and its adorable!! :o)~ I know some people oogie out over the thought of the Thrift Store, but I am a mother of six. .and something with tags on it. .cha ching! :o)~ Go me!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Dirty Laundry Sunday

My very young friend Rebecca (young because we graduated high school together and we both know that we are both only 29, right?) over at Letters from Crazyville (a mom on the edge) has this ever wonderful Sunday thing. Dirty Secrets--Laundry day. I love it. So now we get to air our dirty secrets... So here is mine:

Family Drama and Tattoos.

I am not sure there are any families out there that can say they are truly drama free, and if they do...well, they lie. The thing is this, while some have drama that is well, mild. My family takes drama to a whole different hemisphere. No, I am not talking my household...we are relatively mild. However after this week I have told my mother if she is going to call me with family drama, that I am requiring she starts the conversations with "You all ain't gonna believe this..."
This week we had the police involved, not once but three times. My family up in that area tend to think that they need to stir the Drama pot and it drives me crazy. In the midst of this whole situation is my poor mother who I swear to you is waiting for COPS (The TV show) to show up complete with cameras.

She called me and started the conversation with (And trust me I can not make this up.. ) "Did I tell you about the 3 foot machete?" I told her "okay stop! Let's discuss ways you should not start a conversation!!" So Mom explains as she was sitting on the couch she picked up a blanket to fold up because it was driving her nuts and out drops a 3 foot machete. She said she put it away quickly before anyone saw it, but in my mind I am still stuck with two questions 1) Why was there a 3 foot machete in my mothers living room and 2) When did the woman who can't NOT tell a family secret to save her tail end learn how to hide things before someone sees it?
Suffice to say this was a wild week in my family, and yesterday was just the cherry on the Sundae when I got a phone call asking me to go pick someone up from the drunk tank. Yep, that's right.. we are just waiting for COPS to call and try and schedule an episode.
Long ago, I was asked if I would ever get a tattoo, and I immediately replied "HELL NO!" Then I married my circus freak, er I mean hubby. And I am a firm believer that a tattoo if you are getting one has to mean something. For example:
My first tattoo, this is a small heart with my anniversary date. It is on my ankle and easily covered if need be. We do not do names because well, D-I-V-O-R-C-E. NO, we are not getting one but can you imagine if we ever did? Chuck loves the logic that he never got his ex wifes because her name is very Icelandic and the chances of wife number two having that name was slim to none.
My second tattoo is a Koi fish that my oldest and I got together, this is for good fortune. I love this tattoo, because it holds meaning and its really pretty :o)~
My third tattoo, :::Cough that I got last night::::is an angel on a moon sitting backwards looking over my shoulder. the purpose is to remind me that my son Matthew is always with me. This is now my favorite.

Am I done? who's to say. I won't do anything on my neck or that can not be covered, but ink is addictive. And I also believe that i you are gonna ink... then you need to think before you ink.

So that is my laundry.. I have a redneck family (we all have a bubba right?) and in my own special way I guess I am too. :o)~

Friday, March 26, 2010

Letters of Intent


Letters of Intent over at Julie's blog located at Foursons, was found a few weeks ago.. and well ever willing to join in on something fun and freeing.. here I am! Please join in and link up! they are so fun to read!

Dear Barney-

This is your pink slip, also known as your termination letter. While I truly did expect you to remain on this family's payroll for a few more years, Emily seems more creeped out by you then thrilled to see you. I know what you are thinking and don't worry.. its not her.. Its you. I will be willing to provide you with references for the services you provided over the last 18 years but I have to be honest, please do not ask me to give one to someone I like. After awhile, well I start to understand why dinosaurs are extinct.


No longer forced to sing "I love you.. you love me" and mean it.


Dear Readers-

Speak up! let me know who you are! send me to your blog! Even if you think I suck, put on your big girl pants and tell me. I hate to think of people out there lurking but not speaking up... come on say something!! :o)~ Please?


That need one on this blog


Dear Jillian and Bob-

You guys are so cool! The more I watch the Biggest Loser the more intriqued I become, I think "yea I can do that" I would love to be put through a last chance workout with you, and then I realize I must be nuts! You guys can be so mean.. you sort of scare me! I do love you though

The whimpy dieter


Dear People who keep sending me Farmville, Mafia War, etc links on FB-

I have six children. I have six children and a busy schedule. I barely have time to breathe this time of year let alone play 8 million games. Please understand that if you do not stop I am going to send this guy:

And trust me.. thats not a good thing. Please stop immediately or don't open your door, ok?

The annoyed.


Dear 5 year old-

You are so cute at times, and then when the teacher calls Dad to tell him you are behaving well not well, saying to Dad "Knock it off Dad" is sort of like risking your life. So because I love you i will be relocating you to a Witness protection program, you are welcome.

The Warden aka Mommy.


ok I know I am not alone.. you know you have some.. write em up and link em up! its fun!

Friday Night Leftovers

Welcome to the 3rd (personal) edition of the lovely Danired's over at Sippy Cups Are Not For Starbucks Friday night leftovers. Where we get to Clean out the refrigerator of life and tell you whats new with us:

Have you ever had one of those weeks that you felt that there was a perpetual bulls eye on your fanny? It sort of felt like this:
This past week the following events have happened in no specific order:

We had to go visit a car lot to find a car to replace the one my dear (or is that deer?) husband had, we found the perfect little around town car but had to deal with this guy: You know the guy. .the guy who keeps repeating the words "Trust me" which we all know means "!)%* you" Anyways.. we survived found someone who we have gotten a car from before and it appears as if this worked out for the best. So far.. ask me in a month ok?

I have discovered that I just give sucky blog giveaways. In the past month my blog giveaways have consisted of 2 Hungry Girl cookbooks (15 entries..yay me) and 2 Starbucks $10 gift cards... I have one entry guys. One. Wow. I suck. Sighs. Worse then that. I am not sponsored its just me trying to do something fun and nice. Epic fail.

Yesterday I went out shopping trying to locate a new couch for the family room, the long and short of it is, we had futon in there and it looked liked it was beaten to death and needed to well just go. So we went and bought a couch to put in the front room and we have a raving success.. with the dog. Lily was never much of a fan of the futon but oh boy the couch and her are in LOVE. Earlier I had this loud noise that can not be described I ran to find out what on earth to find the dog SNORING. yep, I think I did something right.

This past week I have dealt with stress from 100 different directions to include family drama (my family that lives up in Norther Virginia is incapable of not having drama), I have dealt with buying a Nused (new but used) car, I have suffered through some of the people on American Idol. WTF happened this year?!?!? really?!?! I am better. .sorry, I have pulled out spring clothes, put away heavy sweaters and pulled back out light long sleeve shirts (seriously VA weather has more attitude than most teenagers), and teenage drama (The 16 year old and the girlfriend....prom drama.. fun stuff) So its Friday and at the end of the day I am going to open a bottle of wine, so what goes best with Shrimp scampi? Yep, its been one of those weeks.

Thursday, March 25, 2010


I have always described blogging as free therapy, I am able to get it all out and it doesn't cost me a dime. So forgive me but today is one of those days that I am just gonna climb on my coach and ramble a bit ok? Even if its not, well its my blog, and the rules are mine. So here it goes:

I realized a few days ago that my oldest child is merely months from graduating from high school. Even now as I say it, I can not believe it. When did my baby become a big girl? Who let this happen? She has a boyfriend she is getting serious about, they were talking about at some point getting married (I have already threatened her life if she does it before she graduates college I will kill her so that at least is resolved) but the thing is..I still remember her sitting on my bed in my room 4 years old playing with Barbies and telling me she would NEVER grow up. Hmph. she didn't mean it. This kid, has been through so many many things... things that well.. most of my friends know but the ones who don't would surely be turned on their ears if i told them. She is more grown up then some people who are twice her age and I am so lucky to be her Mom. I just don't want to be the mom of a HS graduate. I am not quite that ready.

I realized that I probably have ten great friends that I can honestly say I have their backs and they have mine. On the other hand, I have many other people who I can say are my friends but probably half the time can't remember or even know much about me. For some reason while that should make me incredibly sad, instead I feel blessed that I have 10 people in my life that mean the world to me. Does that make sense or am i a few sandwiches short of a picnic?

I realized that for every one negative thing in my life I have at least three postives and sometimes I forget that. I forget that during the rough patches that life is not so miserable instead I am really pretty darn blessed. I have six fabulous kids, a husband who adores me and lots of other things that make my life pretty remarkable.

Next time, I decide to have a therapy session feel free to remind me ok? thanks

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Blog Giveaway!!

Ok so I have been trying to think of something all day.. I sort of suck lately. So finally I came up with one. I want a caption for this photo:

The winners (gasp! did she says winners?!?!) yes she did! Pay attention...sheesh...The winners will each get a $10 Starbucks gift card. I know I know "What can I get at Starbucks for $10" Oh come on now, we both know you can get something.. so just play along ok? :o)~

1 winner for most creative

1 winner for funniest

This lovely fun contest will end on April 1st (yes April Fools Day.. NO this is not a joke!) I just love this picture and can't think of a damn caption.. so help a Momma out will ya? Please and thank you!!

**If you live in my house you are not allowed to enter.. I know its a great prize but well tough beans!!**

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Post it note Tuesday

The genius that is Supah Mommy has created this, and I have to say this is one of those things that you plan for.. when something happens you think and giggle out loud "oh boy I am gonna make that into a post it note!!" yep.. that was my reaction... so here they are

Ok those are mine.. who else has some.. I know you do.. come can do it.. its freeing.. really really freeing.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week

I did NOT have a full house this weekend: my ex, my daughters boyfriend, and the rest of the family all in my house under one roof. Nope because that would be insane.

and if I did do that I certainly would not be here to tell you that I survived it all, and to be quite honest we had a really pretty nice weekend.

Although, that being said I did NOT also find out that my 16 year old son was bought CONDOMS by my ex husband who obviously wants me to kill him.

And with THAT being said I did NOT yell at him to have him say to me "Well think of it this way if they are going to have sex at least they are protected".

I did NOT think of that logic because I am NOT old enough to have a son having sex. You all understand that right?

I did not open my fridge and find a tuppperware that I could not remember using this week and fearing the unknown did not just toss said tupperware in the trash ::I fear the unknown, ok?::::

I did not two hours later hear my 12 year old ask what happened to the sandwich she was saving in the fridge from the day before.. D'oh!

And I certainly did not yell back "oops!" :o/

I did NOT have David ask me on Saturday "Mom how do you spell Shark?" and tell him to sound it out and when he did, ask him well how do you spell "cat" and he spelled it. Then I asked him how do you spell "hat" and he replied "sound it out"

Yep, I do not have a smart aleck child who would do that... nope I have SIX of them :o)~

I did NOT spend all day on the beach on Saturday, soaking up the sun and really enjoying the warm weather... because God knows I needed it.

And I totally did NOT watch my kids run down to the freezing cold water, because who would do that? (oh yea my kids. nuts!)

So what did you or did you not do? Tell us! We want to know!!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

The Good Wife--1950s Vs current

This is a reprint by request from a friend who said that I have new readers who never saw this. So, here it is...

On May 13, 1955 Good Housekeeping posted an article called "The Good wife" Since I am feeling saucy and quite frankly a bit peeved today, I will now show what was written in 1955 and then give my translation on what it means in 2009. **warning** there is question on Snopes whether this article is real or not, and since I don't know and know of nobody to ask, I am going to post that it MAY or MAY NOT have appeared.

1955-Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

2010-Aim to at least have an idea of what the meal will be, if you cant do this then at the very least have a backup plan of at least three take out menus. Have your speed dial finger ready ladies, he wants to eat in a hurry.. oh the heck with 3 menus.. Dominos delivers in 30 minutes .just call them or order online and track your order.

1955-Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

2010- try not to look like death warmed over, and if you have had a helluva day give him the evil eye and DARE him to say something stupid like "Damn didn't you take a shower today?" as you stand there covered in fresh spit up or god knows what other bodily fluid.

1955-Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

2010-see even in 1955, men wanted two women.. kidding. I know.. it means happy. you try and be happy after 8 hours at home with no adult contact.. Good luck with that one.

1955- Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

2010- pick up the big messes and hide them in the hamper, go back tomorrow and empty it out while he is at his job. As for the dustcloth, if the dust bunnies are fighting back.. i agree.. do it.

1955-During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

2010- Go back and read a few blogs ago.. a fire is NOT a good idea for him. We have heat.. turn it on..tada.

1955- Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

2010- HAHAHAHAHAHA.. encourage them to be quiet. oh thats good. Why should he get quiet when i have had noise all day. Nope Daddy's home.. PARTY on kids.

1955-Be happy to see him.

2010- hand him the baby... and run.. FAR away. Give him "Bonding time" and you go pee..ALONE.. trust me.

1955-Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

2010- even if your teeth are gritted.. try and smile.

1955-Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

2010- Can I just say after a long hard day, if he doesn't let me vent first (and i don't mean the coors vent can vent) then i can't promise he will make it to the hot dinner dominos will deliver in 30 minutes.

1955-Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

2010- really then its probably better if he NOT come home.

1955- Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

2010-I won't complain if he doesnt come home, as long as he doesnt complain when he brings his tail home that all the locks are changed, his stuffs on the front porch, and the dog bites him.

1955- Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

2010- if hes smart he does this for the wife..

1955- Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

2010- take off his shoes? um no. Hes on his own.. I don't like touching my feet let alone his.

1955-Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

20010- BWAHAHAHAHAHA I think this one is my favorite.... Master of the house my tail..ask him where things are, ask him if the checkbook is balanced.. yea ok.

1955-A good wife always knows her place.

2010- And a good husband knows his is right next to her...holding her purse

Friday, March 19, 2010

Letters of Intent


I am back again for Letters of Intent thanks to Confessions of a Semi-Slacker Mom who is not just funny but also really fun to read and she pointed out of Letters of Intent over at Julie's blog located at Foursons and ever willing to join in on something fun and freeing.. here I am!

Dear Boy dog two doors down-

I don't care if you show up with flowers and candy, Lily can NOT come out and play. She is not your type.. you are a big dog, she is mine. You are loud, and well so is she but it will just never work. See, I have six kids, two dogs, and a husband.. we do not need to add anyone else to that mix. Please refrain from barking at my door. Thanks so much

Your neighbor


Dear Picky Eaters:

How did you manage to get in my house? Every night I catch grief over dinner, seriously? Enjoy your hot dogs until you figure it out. Cereal is also approved (its healthy for breakfast its healthy for dinner). Be glad Grandpa isn't around you would have gotten the look and would have eaten it and LIKED it. Yep that would have been fun.




Dear Bathing suit-

Ok we have worked hard since January to lose this weight. When I wore you in February it wasn't so bad for either of us, now was it? So, I request you be nice to me when I put you on again in a few months. Play nice! Iam working on it ok

Sincerely.. your friend



Dear Baseball coach

I appreciate that you are trying to put together a baseball team that consists of the next Babe Ruth, Cal Ripken, David Wright, and Lou Gehrig. However, keeping my child out until 8:30 PM every night we have practice is getting old and effecting my life. American Idol starts at 8!! What are you thinking!?! Just had to get that out there.

The Mom who screams like a maniac during the games..yep thats me


Dear Rielle Hunter-

You are a homewrecker. You are a tramp. and I think you suck

Just sayin'


Dear Jesse James-

Are you an idiot? Don't answer that! Why on God's green earth would you be dumb enough to cheat on Sandra Bullock? Seriously! When God said Brains, did you hear trains? You are an idiot.


Sandra's fan.. so NOT yours


Dear Martha Stewart, Rachel Ray, and 1950s moms-

My house is not perfect, my dinners are not always 100% home made and organic. But my kids are happy, doesn't that say something? I tried to live up to the standards you guys have set but well, I suck. Confession is good for the soul right?


The non perfect Mom.

Friday Night Leftovers

Welcome to the 3rd (personal) edition of the lovely Danired's over at Sippy Cups Are Not For Starbucks Friday night leftovers. Where we get to Clean out the refridgerator of life and tell you whats new with us:

My 12 year old got suspended for "inability to behave" Yep, thats right. She's hardcore. Or so she thinks. If she makes it to 13 I want a medal. Yesterday my husband asked what do you want on her tombstone, I replied:
Here lies the disobedient sh*t
Who's parents had to put up with it
She didn't care and continued to scream
and now she won't see 13.

I swear this child is the one that God sent me for everytime my mother would say "I hope when you have kids you have one JUST like you!!" (and yes, I said that to her yesterday) the only difference is I never got suspended. grrrrr. or phone calls. I was a good kid or a really good suck up. Sighs. This is my photo of Mary for the day:

she's not amused.. too bad its not all about her huh?

We are going to have a full house this weekend. My ex is coming to visit the kids, he and I are friendly so that doesnt bother me at all. oh and my 18 year olds boyfriend is coming... this should be fun.. they haven't met yet. Anyone looking for me, I am gonna pop (100 calorie) popcorn and watch the show. (Check back here Monday for details) I think it will go something like this:

This has been the LONGEST week known to man... daylight savings time is kicking my butt big time. And if you can imagine, my two year olds as well. This photo was taken at at 10 AM.. she got up at 8 was asleep by 10 because she just could not do it.
My husband got pulled over on the way to Autozone to buy a headlight and brake light for the car. He was about 2000 FEET from Autozone..Wanna guess what he got pulled over for? yep.. not having a headlight and brake light. So he obviously is not female and does not own the Smile and blinky eyes we all do, so instead of getting out of a ticket he got two for driving with faulty equipment. See I would have pulled the "But officer..." batting the eyes... Yep, women rule.
So I took a slew of pictures of Emily on St Patricks day, and I made this collage:

I sent it to my husband, my mom and my MIL. All 3 went crazy about it, and than I realized as cute as it is, I put two pictures in there that she just has the goofiest look on her face.. hmmm. .see and my MIL and says the good looks run in the family.. and she does look like her dad. Ok I feel better :o)~

ok now that you have read mine. .go play along.. go visit my dear Danifred and play along!! this is really freeing.. and who doesn't like to let it all hang out on Friday? no pictures of that.. you're welcome :o)~