An open Letter to my children

Dear Children-

It has come to my attention that you as a group are trying to drive me insane. You are waiting for me to start singing "They're coming to take me away HAHA HEEHEE HOHO" Nope, it is not one person or one event, its all of you. My proof is laid out in the following ways:

Exhibit A: Dear oldest child--As you apply for colleges, you are making plans for your dorm room. Wait.. your leaving? Who said that was allowed? Nope. I am sorry I am not ready for that. Please try again at a later date....when I am ready. I have scheduled that for 2015.

Exhibit B: Whoever told you (I am talking to you 16 year old son of mine!) that it is ok to take showers every so often.. Lied. Please for the love of God and all things holy, shower. You made my valentines day roses wilt.. and they are made of wood. Please oh please do something.

Exhibit C: To my son who has recently discovered girls, and feels as if he is Vince Neil and Tommy Lee (GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS) please be aware that girls are evil. They are not like your mother--please remember this.

Exhibit D: To my 12 year old Drama Queen.. lets talk.. ok? being forced to clean your room is not child abuse. Being told that you are not leaving the house in a hanky for a shirt is NOT child abuse. However, being a genunine Drama Queen and a pain in the rear is parental abuse. Please stop now or I will have to report you.. thats right. I AM GONNA TELL YOUR DAD!!

Exhibit E: To my sweet 5 year old little boy. Creepy crawlies that are outside are best left outside. Mommy is a whimp... she doesn't want to be friends with your new pet please do not bring it in the house and please do not smuggle it in to the house in your pockets, the pocket full of worms last spring was not a fun surprise in the laundry.

Exhibit F: Two year old beautiful daughter. I do your hair every day because it amuses Mommy. Please stop taking your hair out five minutes after it is done. I promise when you guys finally send me over the edge you can make me wear the bows ok?

Please guys if you are going to make me cuckoo for cocoa puffs, at least let me give me fair warnings so I can start leaving messages around as to which mental hospital I want to go to.

Thanks in advance-

love Mom