Growl..snarl.... you get the idea.

I know.. its only 7:49 and I am up and in a bad mood.. not good. Its never good to roll out of bed with a snarl on your face.. but today, I have one. And once again its partly due to that damn almighty dollar. Ok not partly mostly.....We are due to get a deposit tonight at midnight.. I have checked the bank pretty much hourly for the last two days.. nothing. Chuck called the pay people, they show its coming.... but its somewhere lost in cyber space or wherever lost pay goes. Its not that I am being neurotic.. ok.. maybe I am being neurotic but dammit, this is NOT the time for them to play pay games.. When we have our taxes.. THEN they can play those games.. not now. When we have money in the account and aren't needing the pay.. that would be ok.. TODAY its NOT ok. growls.

Where is the logic on starting with kids first thing in the morning before they go to school about their get up and go being gone when it comes to doing chores.. I have told him numerous times NOT to start on them. Mainly because sending a kid to school, after you upset them, only leads to a bad day. I have said this over and over, I am at the point where I want to start making flash cards so I don't have to say it anymore, I can just show the flash cards. growls x 2.

ok.. while I posted yesterday that i feel like we are broken.. or even just chipped. And he did read it, I know this because even though he said not a word (strong silent type.. no...more the ignore and try and correct quickly type), we sat in the room and he talked to me, touched my leg etc.. but sadly.. while he sees it, he doesn't get it. I feel like I am standing in a glass room.. one more thing goes up and I am gonna scream and shatter the room around me. I know communication is golden, but how do you communicate that you need something and you aren't even sure what you need? I am back to the whole Buy me a Rose thing.... God Bless guys who can write songs, because they can say stuff that nobody else can say.... and no its NOT that I want roses, its the theory of it.

Buy me a rose
Kenny Rogers

He works hard To give her all He thinks she wants
A three car garage, Her own credit cards
He pulls in late To wake her up With a kiss Good night
If he could only Read her mind, She'd say:

Buy me a rose, Call me from work
Open a door for me, What would it hurt
Show me you love me By the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need The most in my life

Now the days have grown To years Of feeling
All aloneAnd she can't help But wonder what She's doing wrong
Cause lately she'd Try anything To turn his head
Would it make a differenceIf she'd said:

Buy me a rose, Call me from work
Open a door for me, What would it hurt
Show me you love me By the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need The most in my life

And the more that he lives The less that he tries
To show her the love That he holds inside
And the more that she gives The more that he sees
This is a story Of you And me

So I bought you a rose On the way home
From workTo open the door To a heart
That I hurtAnd I hope you notice
'This look in my eyes Cause I'm gonna make Things right
For the rest of your life(Rest of your life)And I'm gonna Hold you tonight
Do all those Little things
For the rest Of your life

thats about as out there as I can put it. Its not the big things, its the little things. What happened to the pause in the kitchen, to give a hug? What happened to the snuggles? Where did it go? and can it be found? I realize things change and people change, but if you can't show someone you love them, why are we here? It sounds so easy as I type it out, why is it so flipping complicated? I hate that other people see a different side of you, and I see this side, I want to see the old side.. the side I have seen you show to others. I need to see it.

wow. I just put all that out there in black and white. On that note, I am gonna go get my morning started, dress the baby and we are gonna go have breakfast. Please pray that this stupid deposit goes in, or things will most defnitely be more bleak then they feel now.