The Old Lady in the shoe has got nothing on me!

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I mother six our house sanity is optional.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

We aren't fireproof... yet.

We watched Fireproof tonight. I don't know what to say about this movie, no I take that back... I know what to say, but I don't know if all the words I have for it are enough. I sat watching this movie with Chuck and my mother.... she told me it was good, but good doesn't cut it. Its not enough. I am not a religious person. I grew up I went to Mass, I obtained my sacraments (First Confession, First Communion, Confirmation, and even Marriage... although my sacramental marriage ended in the very unsacramental divorce). My kids were baptized in the church. My dad died. I lost my world. My ex husband announced he was having a three year affair with my best friend. I lost my desire for what little faith I had left. I remarried my amazing husband. My life recovered, my faith not so much. My last two children were born, never baptized. I gave up on God. I gave up on him for "betraying me" Or maybe that is what I felt. I lost my faith and even though my life had overcome obstacles and I found where I needed to be, I never found where I NEEDED to be.

I went into the church with my mother today, taking steps into that building was easier then I thought. I figured ok, humor mom. walk in. go home. when she leaves you are off the hook. I was looking for the easy way. I sat in the pew and a lady began to speak to us, she introduced herself and told me if i had any questions about the parrish to please let her know. I thought in my mind "yea um ok" I knelt at the crucifix, I said a hail mary and I looked up. I said to him "God if this is where I am supposed to be, I want a sign.. show me" Ok.. he threw me a curveball and I was looking for a fastball.. damn. My mother emerged and told me the priest was a friend of my dads. My mother is 200 miles from her house. My mother should NOT know the priest. Damn. I sat there the tears filled my eyes and I thought.. ok.. maybe that WASN'T the sign.. maybe he's just kidding around. Idiot. Sign number 2. My mom calls my brother Mike and tells him about Father Rafferty.... as my mom is talking to my brother, he informs her that Dana (his wife), Caleb and he had went to mass to see his sister in law and brother in law reaffirm their vows in front of God. Ok... God.. was the sledgehammer necessary? really? No, wait.. theres more....we settled in to the living room to watch Fireproof, after the movie I went to, more tears and what I saw in front of me, made me realize 3 things. 1) I need to treat my husband alot better. He is the most amazing man, he is the main reason why I still held on to any shred of faith I had, I was just too stupid to see it. 2) I need to read the Love Dare, and do it.. ASAP. 3) I need to carry my fanny back to Mass. Its time. Its time to stop being angry and petty. Its time to get my children baptized, to get my older children the sacraments they are missing and most importantly it is WAY past time to reaffirm my vows with my husband in front of God. Its time to realize that while we may fight and bicker, there is a bigger picture, and maybe if we zoom out, we can find it. (yea I know.. this is the same person who cursed a few posts again.. i am not promising she won't return, I am just saying its time for my do over).

If you have not seen Fireproof, watch it. If you are wondering what is going on with your marriage and you need a hand, watch it with your spouse. Open your heart. Prepare to cry cause its inevitable. But if nothing else, be prepared to be wowed.


Julie said...

Everyone I know that has seen that movie raves about it. I hate watching movies that make me cry, but I just might have to suck it up and see it.

I'm with you on treating our men better... I wish I thought more about that when I had the chance, I always regret it later, when he's not around.

Glad to hear your faith is being renewed. I hope that it brings you much peace. :o) (((hugs)))

Karen said...

(((())) It was a great movie huh? Kind of made to kick you in the butt and get your act together. Richard and I went to see it in at the movies. (and I think that is the last time we went!?) My MIL and FIL went to see it too. My FIL said after that, that he wanted to go back to church.......guess how long it has been for him??? over FORTY years!!

Chaukie said...

I also was raised Catholic and found myself pulling away from the church. Infertility really made me angry and I found it difficult to have faith. Now that we have adopted two beautiful children, I am slowly gaining the desire to attend church and believe again. Right now I am still kind of just going through the motions of attending mass, but am slowly beginning to feel a connection again. The Homily was great today and really spoke to me. Then I read your post - maybe everything is coming together! My DH was raised VERY Catholic, yet he is the one who really fights me about attending Mass. He only goes because I make him. I really hope he can come around with me.

If you want someone to work through this with you, let me know. I know I could use some support.

My Ice Cream Diary said...

I know I've seen that movie but I can't remember it. Now I must see it again. =)

Mrs B said...

I know...really good huh? It has been a stepping stone in renewing our marriage.

I am sorry about the affair. I hate that it happens. You are a strong lady for making it through. I'll tell you that there are days when I don't want to be here anymore. In this house or on this earth...anyone who can remain alive and keeping striding through is a real hero to me. Love you girl.