Think Think Think.....

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to think of something to say, for me, its not usually a challenge. I can usually talk and talk and talk.. its my gift of gab, but for whatever reason I have been in a blog funk. I can't think of what to say. While I have some good moments, I am missing something..it might be that I am getting bored with blogging, but nah.. thats not it.. because this is still one of the first places I check in the morning. Hmm so what is it? Well, I think its just that I can't fit everything I do into a 24 hour day. (anyone who wants to lend an hour or two more per day, I would gratefully accept them :o)~ )

So when I decided to look for a topic that I promised, I sat on my couch and looked up at my good friend Winnie the Pooh. I adore Winnie the Pooh and my living room proves that, if you can't see it in my living room, well trust me .. hes here lol. :o)~ Chuck has a tattoo of tigger on his arm, and I am gonna get brave one day.. really I mean it. I came up with thinking.. Thinking? What does that mean? No, its not anything too deep I promise.. its 11:55 on a Saturday, I am too tired for deep, and I promise there is no alcohol involved, I am not drunk blogging. Instead I wanted to post a blog about the crazy things that go through my mind each day.

I think about my kids, what their future holds.
I think about how far Chuck and I have come from the last place we lived, it was horrible. We had roaches, we had gunshots nightly, we never felt safe in our home, and now we have this beautiful house in our quaint neighborhood.
I think of my mom who made this all possible by giving us the money to buy our house. I think of what would happen if I ever lost her
I think of my life, and how I would not trade my husband for anything.
I think of whats for dinner? (seriously.. I open my eyes and start to make a menu in my head.. I am a true freak lol)
I think of my vast list of things I need to and thinks I want to do.
I think of my friends and wonder if they are all ok and healthy and happy.
I think of my brothers and their children, I think of my family and how much I do love them even the ones that drive me crazy.
I think of where all those stupid socks go. .(yes I know two blogs ago I mentioned this but again today we have MIA socks.. DRIVES me nuts.
I think of people I want to help, of things I know I need to do
I think of that diet I need to start, but I can't do it alone and who will do it with me?
I think of movies I want to see, Twilight is a great movie.. and I want Bellas gloves. :o)~ They are soo neat looking.
I think of David and how next week we get the result of all his testing, I wonder what his future holds as I watch this bright little boy introduce himself to anyone who walks in "Hi, I am David, nice to meet you"
I think of Stephanie who is 17, almost ready to head to college and I wonder how we will handle that, not just the money every aspect.. including and especially her leaving.
I think of the bills we need to pay, and wonder if they will all get paid. hoping and praying the answer is yes.
and finally..
I think about this silly blog.. this blog that I have written on since one day last September when I wanted to vent. How I love being able to write things, I am not poetic as some or creative as some, but I love that there are people who email, IM or text me when my blog is late to check and make sure I am alive. <3 you all. So with the permission of my readers, I may not have the exciting some blogs some bloggers have daily, but I promise if you can stick with me, I will try and at least make it interesting ok? More tomorrow its bedtime, and my pillow is calling my name.

The art of Conversation.

Lately, my posts have been well.. boring..lacking a certain something and I wasn't sure what it was. Then I realized it this morning, I have lost the ability to have a conversation with myself on my own blog. Don't get me wrong, I have PLENTY to say, I pride myself in the fact that well, I hardly ever shut up. But for whatever reason, February is sort of a blah month for me. There is so much in this month that makes me run like I am on a adrenaline high the first few weeks (usually when we get the taxes back) until the end (Matthews birthday/day he died, Shane (Chucks sons birthday), being broke (taxes spent, shorter pay periods because there are only 28 days in the month). February is the month I usually clam up, I have issues being social during this time of year. It will pass February is the month winter is so blah but on the other side of winter comes spring. .. everything is new.. a fresh start... well and baseball. :o)~

So today, my goal is to come up with something to blog about. ::::think think think::::: AH! yes I know. I will blog about....hmm....ok how about if I promise to think of something and come back by the end of the day, that is fair right? Ok. I am off to shower and get ready to run to BJs for grocery shopping. More later on.

TTFN

Finally.. FRIDAY!!

Is it sad that on Friday morning, the alarm clock goes off, and the first thought out of my head is "WOOHOO I can turn you off til MONDAY!!"? I long for the weekends, and when they are over I whine that they went too fast, and then from Wednesday til Friday, I have what I call Fridayitis, its a disease that makes you long for the next weekend. We have no plans this weekend, Chuck has to work 9-5 at the video store and our only plans is to make like Veggies and Veg out. But to me the ability to veg out without the alarm clock waking me up is just sexy. I need to get out more can you tell?

So since today is Friday, I am going to post my Friday Funny moment.. Today it is warm here (68 degrees and supposed to get up to 71.. can I get a WOOHOO helllllloooo Spring?.. ok seriously til Sunday.. then we are due for snow showers.. ok 1) its Norfolk.. we don't get snow.. so I will believe it when I see it. 2) it will be rain. .trust me. Ugh. I am so sick of winter. . anways.. I am wearing a really cute shirt that Nikia gave me that has hearts all over it.. and David comes over to me and says "Mom, you have boobs. Those are called boobs" pointing to the girls that REALLY do look good in this shirt ( Chuck<3's YOU, Nikia) I said "yes David I know" he says to me "You've got BIG ones mom" As he POINTS to my boobs with his finger. To which I reply "Thanks for pointing that out David" he then walks off and mumbles "your welcome um mom" Uh. oh. "yes David" to which he thinks and replies "You can put them away now" lol. apparently David doesnt like mom having boobs :oX Ah well he shall survive, no?

I am so tickled pink that spring training is here, I am a huge fan of baseball, I know people say it is the slowest sport in the world, but give me baseball over just about any sport any day. I am a New York Mets fan, if they can just hold it together THRU September this year, I will be happy. But its a serious case of IF. The past two years they played beautifully all season to fall on their faces in the end, it was like watching a great movie with an ending that leave you going "huh?" So not fair. Ok on that note, a game is on and I am gonna go watch, LETS GO METS!!

Things that make you go hmmm..

How come when you are in high school, you can't wait to get out, but once you are out in the real world and your 20th reunion is approaching you wonder what would have happened if things went differently and you could go back in time.. things that make you go hmmmmm

How come some women in my high school class gave birth to 3 or 4 children and look wonderful, I gave birth to 7 and look like my name should be Bessy and I should be in a field grazing.. Things that make you go hmmm.

How come a child or a dog can hear you open any package from three rooms away but if you call them from four feet away they don't hear you..things that make you go hmmm.

How come you walk in to walmart with a shopping list of five or six things and walk out of walmart with a cart full of stuff and justification that the prices were falling around you.. Things that make you go hmmmmm.

How come when your 11 year old has drama with her best friend you call your mother to swear that you don't EVER remember being like that for her to fall over in a fit of laughter that you are worried you will need to call 911 to revive her. Things that make you go hmmmmm

How come men get distinguished as they get older.. and women just get well old? Things that make you go hmmmm..

How come you can put 10 socks in the washer, put 10 socks in the dryer but in the end only get 7 socks back. What happens to those other 3 socks? Things that make you go hmmmm

How come on days you can sleep in the baby gets up at 7:30 but on days you have to get everyone dressed and out of the house, she sleeps in and doesnt want to wake up... Things that make you go hmmm.

How come someone in a distance classroom enviornment for college, can be given the SAME directions 8 times and still do the same thing wrong 9 times.. (side note. .one of chucks classmates keeps logging in and posting in the WRONG area.. he has been corrected by the teacher and other students.. its driving us batty lol). Things that make you go hmmm.

And finally....

How come if something is bad, and someone else smells it or tastes it and says "this is terrible.. try it" they think you are going to say "ok" and take a bite or a sniff. Things that make you go hmm...

Any others I missed? comment them on.

Lent, Life, and the Love Dare

Today starts the first day of Lent. Normally this is followed by #$#*)@*#% I am not a fan of Lent, before anyone decides to yell at me... I should state the only real reason I am not fan of Lent is I am a Catholic and we don't eat meat on Ash Wednesdays or on Fridays.. I am a carnivore. I love meat, so to me Lent stinks. lol. I am not a huge seafood fan... I have my favorites (shrimp, cod (if breaded), Talipia (sometimes), Crablegs, lobster tails.. the basic stuff.. I just am not a fan of the other stuff..oh wait I love scallops.. but I swell up like Violet from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The only difference is I don't turn that pretty purple. I go for bright red and can't breathe.. its not sexy.. trust me. Today I am approaching Lent with what I hope will be a new attitude, Stephanie and I signed up to go to the church from 5 PM to 6 PM every Thursday for Perpetual adoration of the Euchrist. (Our parrish is trying to have the Euchrist open to parishoners 24 hours a day during Lent for all 40 days a big job but something that is rather amazing). So day one.. and I am gonna try and NOT say it.. ask me again in two weeks ok?

We seem to be running our candle at both ends lately, Chuck has started taking classes, the kids have school, everyone seems to have nightly homework, and we run and run and run. It seems like there are days I talk to Chuck more via Facebook then I do in person. I know things will find an even kilter soon its just having the patience for it to get there. I survived Matthews weekend, mostly because I have the most amazing support system and I am grateful every day for that (that includes you blog readers who reached out to me when I needed it most), as I said I can rationalize in my head that the pain of losing him should be gone, but I also know that rationally speaking, his life and death will effect me for the rest of my life and that is ok too. I am so very thankful for everything I do have and that is a good thing.

Which brings me to my next part of the title, today as we start Lent, I have decided to not give anything up this year, instead I am giving something. I am doing the 40 day Love Dare with Chuck. Each day is something different today is to not say anything negative, so today I will say out on my blog I love you Chucky :o)~ Thank you for everything you do for the family. :::Day one check:::: kidding. .I know it goes on, they ask if you have anything negative that you keep it to yourself, so if anything bad happens and I have to explode you all will know. .but so far so good :o)~ I kid. Chucks a good man so Iam pretty sure I can do this.

Ok I am off to clean my living room up which has the well loved look thanks to a certain 13 month old and her four year old brother. More later!!!

So far in 2009....

A friend of mine sent this to me as an email this morning.. hmm I could have facebooked it or Myspaced it.. but my brain is S L O W today so I decided it would make a fine blog..

So far in 2009...

Have you had a girlfriend or boyfriend? Yes. .but last I heard he prefers the title husband

Have you had your birthday? Nope, June 7. .send presents.. with bows

Been to church? Yes.

Cried yet? Yes lots and lots

Had someone close to you pass away? No

Pulled an all nighter? Yes

Drank starbucks? yes

Gone shopping? yes

Gone to the movies? Yes, I saw Bolt in January lol.

Been to the beach? Yes but not in the water

Bought something for over 100 dollars? Yes

Met someone new? Yes

Been out of your home state? yes

Gone snowboarding/sking? Nope, havent even seen snow really

In The Past Month...

Kissed someone? yes

Slept in a friend's bed? nope

Snuck someone over? not since high school LOL

Snuck out of your own house? A few times but that is just sneaking past the 13 month old who will cry if she sees me leave.

Been in a bar? walked THRU a bar does that count?

Lied? umm.. can I plead the 5th?

Gotten a car? Yes Saturday :o)~ and one on January 10th :o)~ (one for me.. one for Chucky)

Gone over your cell phone minutes? Nope.. and yes I am shocked too

Been called a whore? ROFLMAO um not very likely

Drove somewhere? Yes lots and lots of places

Done something you regret? Yes

Gotten caught...? Caught at what??

Lasts...

Thing you bought? a Sprite

Person to call you? Michele

Last time you took a bubble bath? Hmm I dunno. Everytime I try someone bugs me.. so I stopped trying.

When was the last time you felt stupid? Daily

When was the last time you walked/ran over a mile? 9th grade lol

Who was the last person who saw you cry? Emily who patted me on my back lol

Who was the last person who made you cry? It was alot of stuff all at once

Who was the last person you watched a movie with? David

Who was the last person you danced with? Emily

Who did u last yell at? David when he pulled the stuffing out of my loveseat.. grrr

Who last told you they loved you? David right before he got in trouble. "But I love YOU"


I am not tagging anyone but if you want to play along you are more then welcome to.

Not Me Monday.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT become thoroughly grossed out when my small tushied one year old crawled out of a yucky diaper yesterday morning as I was going to get a new one to put on her...ewww

I certainly did NOT laugh til I cried last night over an incident in our house that involved poop and resembled the moment from Alvin and the Chipmunks where Alvin picks up Theodores doodle and tells Dave its a raisin and pops it in his mouth.. no I did NOT because I am 37 and potty humor is NOT funny anymore, but if you wanna hear something REALLY funny ask.

I absolutly did NOT justify eating a second ding dong last night because I was PMSing and because I was already sad and chocolate is therapy.

I did NOT think David was too cute for words this week when he began to tell us "Please oh Please.. I will do ANYBING" (this is what he says when he wants something or wants to help you with a project)

I did NOT cry myself to sleep on Friday into Saturday, as I have every Feb 21st for the past 19 years.

I did NOT gulp yesterday as I walked towards the priest at Mass to receive communion when I realized as he stared at me and smiled that he KNEW who I was and think "busted"

I did NOT let a teenage boy skip church so I could leave David home since Chuck was at drill and

I needed an extra set of hands to chase him

and lastly I did NOT look forward to posting all this today because its Not Me Monday and whats not fun about that?

Why why why.

I love this age with a four year old, who asks that question to everything this morning. This is roughly how my morning has went so far:

Me: David don't kick the dog
David: Why?
Me: Because the dog will bite you.. and you will deserve it.. because you aggrivate the dog (ok I didn't say that.. but I wanted to)

Me: David its too early for an Oreo Cakester
David: Why?
Me: Because you have to eat a good healthy breakfast, here have a bowl of a sugar coated cereal.
(does it ever blow anyone elses mind that we eat doughnuts in the morning, cinnamon rolls, pop tarts, sugar coated cereal but they go to hand us a cookie and we say "well no you can't have anything sweet" umm ok)

Me: David its time to get dressed
David: why?
Me: because you only wore a tshirt to bed last night and nobody really wants to see your underwear.

Me: David.. Emily doesn't want her cuppy (as he is basically forcing her to take the cup)
David: Why?
Me: because I am pretty sure her screaming no and pushing you away means NO.

This was my morning... they were all pretty funny. Then we got to this one.. not so funny.

Me crying a little bit on the couch
David: Why are you crying?
Me: because today is a sad day.
David: Why?
Me: Because your brother Matthew died today.
David: Why?
Me: Because he was very sick when he was born and God decided he needed him in Heaven
David: Why?
Me: David just give me a hug ok
David: Ok mommy.

At least it ended ok. The why questions, while sometimes so sweet and innocent, sometimes a little sad, they always seem to end with the hug. I am grateful for my kids, my husband, my life. I am just still a little sad for the Whys I have. Why was my son the 1 in 25000? Why didn't the surgery heal him? Why did God have to have him? Why do I still cry after 19 years? Why doesn't the pain go away and come back as hard as it was the day it happened 19 years later? (don't panic this is not a test.. I am not asking for answers.) I promise tomorrow my Not Me Monday will not be so sad. I even have a couple of really good ones.. :oX More tomorrow.

Breathe in, Breathe out.

Today is Matthew's birthday, he would have been 19 years old. Yet, for whatever reason he is not here. And today, my heart is broken. One part of me says, it has been 19 years.. whats the matter with you?? Snap out of it! Then the other part of me kicks that one. hard. ITs not that simple. When you lose a grandmother you lose your past, it hurts but its almost expected. When you lose your child, you lose your future. You lose what might have been. I have a large family, and I am grateful for each one of my children. I love them all unconditionally (yes, even the teenagers), I have a good life with an amazing husband, and I am lucky to have him. I have friends, I have family, I have things that make me happy, and I am happy. But for two days a year, my face gets sad. I look at my kids and I wonder. "What would have happened if..." "what would he look like?" "What would he act like?" All those questions that pepper your mind and you can't help it. You can't help but wonder the questions, and you can't help but be angry that you have no answers. Angry or sad.. or some sort of frusturating emotion. And today, I will eat chocolate and ignore the calories, grief makes things calorieless. I will cry for no reason because I am allowed. And I will smile because I know as much as I wonder what might have been, he's in Heaven healed of pain, safe and watching over us. Its my personal solace.

I breathe in.. I breathe out. It may be slightly labored today, but I will breathe, and I will make it work. Its hard to make sense of any of it. .I can try, but in the end. .I can't. I am going to Mass tonight with my family, prior to that we are going to the beach to release a balloon for his birthday with a note attached. I know he will never "Get the balloon" and I also know I do this more for me. I have my reasons and while they may be insane .I am ok with that. Its my day to do things that are not clear headed.. that require no thinking. Its my day to just be and to breathe. I can't promise tomorrows blog will make any sense, but I will try to make it better then this one. hugs til then.

Friday Fit of Funnies.

Living in our house, its impossible not to have some humor filled moments, because well we are funny people.. and hey looks aren't everything. :o)~ har har. Anyways... Events that happen in our house are true, the names may have been changed to protect the innocent, but they are defintiely true and always funny.

Exhibit A, one day in the house, Big Chief is sitting on the couch in boxers and his friend flops out. Little Chief asks Big Chief "Whats that?" Big Chief replies "thats my penis" Litle Chief "Whats a penis?" Big Chief "Thats what I pee ot of" Little Chief "Oh I have a penis too" and proceeds to whip it out. Big Chief is now a fan of pajama pants, me thinks.

Exhibit B, Middle Drama Queen is throwing a fit about how life is unfair and nobody has chores and nobody elses mother makes them clean up and blah blah blah. Middle Drama Queens best friend is over visiting, and immediately tells her to "Buck it up, your moms easy compared to mine" now this may not seem funny but its actually quite fricking hilarious. Middle Drama Queen is convinced that she is the only kid in america who has to clean her room, or pick up toys, or any other general assignment she doesnt want to do.

Exhibit C, Teenage chief number 1 came walking through the room to go to the shower in a pair of underwear that well quite resembled an accident that involved a deer. ya know cause first you say it.. then you do it. We all immediately question when the last time he changed his underwear was. He gets defensive about it, and we are all sort of grossing out. Teenage chief number 2, decides to poke fun at which point we question him "Whens the LAST time you changed your underwear" He immediately screams at us without missing a beat "LAST WEEK!!" mortified yes.. gross.. definitely.. sick absolutely.. funny totally.

Exhibit D, Oldest Drama Queen got into a fight with Baby Drama Queen she says to her "No baby Drama Queen" who kept grabbing her IPOD. Baby Drama Queen ever not detered, immediately grabs it again Teenage Drama Queen growls "NO!" and gets up to go to another room leaveing said IPOD couch.. Baby Drama Queen shakes her head yes.. growls and grabs it. Mama Drama Queen falls on to the floor and needs assistance to reover from the explosion of laughter at Teenage Drama Queen who returns and says " your just like middle Drama Queen" LOL.

The Moral to these stories.. never let anything happen to you that Mama Drama Queen finds funny or it just might appear in a blog.

200 posts.

Wow. I am stunned. I have kept up with this.. and while I do manage to keep up with some things, I am the type of girl who will follow something and then wander off to something else. I have a bad case of grownup ADHD, or as Bill Engvill refers to it "Shiny Object syndrome" I can focus along just fine but then "ooooooo whats that over there?" Now before you panic.. I am not going to list 200 items on my blog like I did when I hit 100. nope. I am not that mean.. that would make for one seriously LONG blog and 1) I am sick still and 2) I don't have the effort in me today.. so instead today.. I am going to blog about hmm.. well nothing in particular.. we will call this the Seinfeld blog today.. a blog about nothing in particular.

First of all, thank you to everyone who left me a comment or IMed me or called me to check on me after my Blog about Matthew. you guys are so very sweet and I appreciate all of you. Thank you.

Secondly of all, my stupid van is still not working.. I think I may have killed the whole transmission. damn. That just breaks my heart. I am really thinking of going to look at cars and seeing how bad it would turn us upside down to write that van in the cost of a new loan. I am just over all the issues.

Thirdly, have you ever noticed when you are sick the piles of clothes that appear out of nowhere? sadly.. they are all clean.. I just don't have the drive to put them away. But I have noticed that Louise's avalanche tart is LOVELY when you are congested from your chest up.

Fourth.. um ok Fourthly cant be right.. so lets go with fourth.. ok? Rachel Ray is making a spinch artichoke mac and cheese. man.. I NEED this.. I will have to make this soon. (note to self aka Chuck.. expect a grocery list for the items for this.. soon)

Fifth, why is it when you feel like crud, the kids get out of school early? Shouldn't there be a mommy feels like dog doo clause where you can notify the school and they keep em longer?

Sixth, you guys are really wondering if I am going to 200th arent you? things that make you go hmmmmmm

Seventh...can anyone suggest an easy meal for tonight? really watching Rachel Ray at 10 AM is a definite hazard...

Eigth..How is it that your children can keep track of the game wii motes, but not the GAMES they play? Drives me nuts.

Ninth... can someone please tell the sock monster to return all my socks.. and if the sock monster is not holding them hostage, how about the teenage MONSTER (Stephanie....)

Tenth..really made you guys think I was going to 200 huh? nope I am stopping at 10. I am going to go find a shower and hopefully a clear head.. please..just for a little bit. Have a lovely Thursday

Why Me Wednesday?

Ahh yes another rendition of the ever exciting why me Wednesday.. Hey if nothing else the graphic is cute right?

The stupid flu I mentioned last week, is still in town.. THIS week... Why me?

I dont want to cook dinner tonight, but Chuck has to work and the kids have to eat.. Why me?

Emily doesn't feel good.. so she is screaming.. I don't feel good but if I scream she'll scream more.. um.. why me?

My stupid van keeps getting stuck in gear, and then is idyling hard. when i ask Chuck he tells me to check one doo hickey and then the thing a majig.. yea not likely.. Why me?

My daughter asked me "WOW mom your 20th high school reunion is this year??" Implying I am old.. why me?

My dog has an obssession with eating pants and underwear no not the whole pants just the crotch.. .and the stupid dog got my pj pants today.. grr.. why me?

Emily is tormenting David because thats her job as baby sister, and he is very annoyed.. and loud.. why me?

Tomorrow is a half day, therefore I will be invaded by the monsters known as my children EARLY.. ugh.. Why me?

David is playing Blues Clues with Stephanie, and I am being ignored.. haha why her? because she asked ME about my 20 year reunion and made me feel old lol. Anyone wanna make us dinner? please? ;o)

Tribute Tuesday

Since the day Wayne invited me to participate in this blog carnival, I knew who I wanted to send out a tribute to, while I loved doing the ones for my dad, my mom, and Chuck... This is the one I was holding out for. Today, I pay tribute to my first born son Matthew. He was born on February 21, 1990 at 4:44 PM. He was late, two weeks late. I was being induced to deliver him, the doctor broke my water and nearly no water came out, this she told us later concerned her a little. After a long labor, and some really good drugs that had me talking about five car pile ups on Rolling road. Matthew was born. no sound. nothing. I saw his eyes, but never heard a sound. They handed him right off to a NICU nurse who began to work on him, they put him on a ventilator, they rushed about and never said a real word to me. I was 18 years old, my son was born and that was all I knew. A short time later, our doctor came back and sweetly held my hand as she told me, "your baby is very sick. He has diaphragmatic herenia, he needs surgery right away" the words were a blur to me. I remember signing some papers and my father asking if he could see him, to baptize him (my father was a deacon), they let him and they wheeled me in, we were not to stimulate him, we could touch his leg, but nothing else, we could not hold him. That was that. We watched as my father baptized him, in the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit. We said a prayer and they sent me to a room, they got him stable and packed him up to be airlifted to Fairfax hospital, they brought him to me to say goodbye, I kissed my hand and placed it on his leg. It was the last time I would see Matthew alive.

Matthew went to Fairfax hospital, they did his surgery, they called me at the completion and Dr Askew told me she was able to patch his diaphragm but he needed to have another life saving thing done, they were going to reoxygeniate his blood, they sent him off to Georgetown University hospital, and at 7 AM, I received a call, they told me in very gentle terms that my son was too sick to live, and he was going to die. They told me to get there as fast as I could, my doctors released me but as we were heading to leave, we received another call. Dr Kessler called to inform me, "I am so sorry to tell you, your baby has died" February 22, 1990 at 11:11 AM. GW had given me a rose and I carried it out the hospital door. There is nothing worse then going in to have a baby and carrying nothing out. We drove to the hospital with my parents, we went up and laying in an isolette was this little baby boy. No longer here for us on earth, but now in Heaven. They asked me if I wanted to hold him, and gave me an envelope of items (3 books 'When hello means goodbye, Still to be born, and Empty Arms, two pictures of my son, a lock of his hair and his bracelets) I told them no. My mother quickly said she did, and they put him in her arms, I asked to hold him, and they gave me my little boy, I looked at him and said "From my heart to Gods hands" They gave us all the time we needed, and we left him to go home.

He had a beautiful funeral, and a beautiful send off to the Heavens. He would be 19 on Saturday and the pain is as real today as it was that day, I don't ache for him, I ache for what might have been. I wonder what our world would have been like if he was here. But today, I pay tribute to my first born Matthew. Your time on earth was brief, my love for you is forever.

Matthew Stephen Claassen

February 21, 1990 4:44 PM to February 22, 1990 11:11 AM

Not Me Monday.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT wake up this morning at 9 AM because that would be lazy, no I am a good mom who is up with the children when they get up.

I did NOT buy my husband roses beating him to the punch this year for Valentine's day because what kind of wife would do that? Me thats who :o)~

I did NOT help my husband do his homework last night and as we submitted the LAST assignment notice he was already 3/4 of the way asleep. (way to over use the brain baby)

I did NOT cry when introducing myself to the priest yesterday because it felt so good to be back at Mass and even nicer to talk to someone down here who knew my dad.

I did NOT become overwhelmed with emotion to know that my father is still around me and sometimes in more ways then even i know.

I did NOT go out to eat 3 times this weekend with my mom to three fantastic restaurants, because that would be a waste of my mothers money and of course I insisted she let me cook instead of taking us out. (before anyone asks we went hereThe Cheesecake Factory :: Home :. Something for Everyone!, here Logan's Roadhouse, and here for lunch with the kids on SundayRed Robin - Home.

and I certainly did NOT eat cheesecake we brought home from the Cheesecake Factory on Saturday and Sunday ;oX

I did NOT send my oldest daughter into a bookstore to price "The Love Dare" and get handed a copy by her and when I inquired "how much?" get told "You don't have to worry about that"

I did NOT burn tarts all weekend and get told by mom this morning that those little wax things sure do make the house smell nice lol.

I did NOT have to convince David to keep his clothes on today because he is more in the mood to be rebelious and wear just underwear. Cute kid.

and finally..

I did NOT become the mother of a 13 month old little girl who is almost a full time walker now.. i was sort of enjoying her being the cautious one.. sighs.

Movies you should watch.....

So today is a good day to mention movies I think everyone should watch: ::::warning most of these are chick flicks.. i am an addict of chick flicks:::::

Grease- Whats greater then this movie? a Classic and thankfully one that has not been remade 8 billion times. Thank goodness. John Travolta as Danny Zuko and Olivia Newton-John as Sandy. (yea Olivia Newton-John is coming here in concert, so I tell Stephanie this.. what does she say to me? "who?" I said "Sandy from Grease" she replies "shes still alive?" oy vey.

Dirty Dancing-nobody puts baby in the corner.

The Notebook- Oh this movie.. its everything. .you cry and you laugh and you cry and you feel bad and then you feel the love.

Beauty and the Beast- My favorite cartoon. WOW. from the opening scene until the very end. what an amazing Disney movie.

Look who's talking- probably one of the reasons i have so many kids :o)~ kidding but i do love this one.

Sweet Home Alabama- Whatcha wanna be married to me for anyways? "so I can kiss you anytime i want" Swooon.. even as 10 year olds.. WOW

PS I love you.. Gerard Butler is just sexy and the movie is wonderful.. the book is better but the movie is wonderful. Whats better then having someone write letters to you after they pass away you get them 1 a month for a year and they always end PS I love you.. swoon

Fireproof- I think I said enough about this one last night, but whatever I said last night I mean 100 times over.

Mrs doubtfire- who doesnt love Robin williams in drag?

Big- Tom Hanks.. as a kid.. he plays it well.

ANY MOVIE that has Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan- Joe Versus the Volcano, You've got mail, Sleepless in Seattle.. all amazing. all great.

American Pie 1 and 2- crass but funny.

Van Wilder- watch out for the cream filled pastries and if you have never seen that movie watch it...very funny.

Sweetest Thing- Make sure you watch the version with the "penis song" :oX

Edited.. I have more...how sad am I?

How to lose a guy in 10 days- funny.. classic. .romantic.. LOVE it.

An American President- "how did you do it?" do what "give someone roses and be the president" Turns out I have a garden.. lol

Rocky Horror Picture show- Its just a step to the left.......

Mr and Mrs Smith- Hot steamy.. GREAT Movie

Thomas Crown affair- please see above

The Lake house. What a sweet movie. sad but then happy and sweet

Twilight- Does anyone else LOVE how Edward dazzles like diamonds.

ALl Harry potter movies.. they just rock.
and i think that will sum it up for me tonight, what did I miss? tell me!!! I love movies :o)~

on another note. what is it about when you find some sort of clarity or balance to your life, you find smiles that have been absent? We went to mass this morning, I introduced myself to the priest as "hi, I am Walter Claassen's daughter.. you met my mothter yesterday, its been a LONG time since I have been to mass" his eyes lit up, he shook my hand and said "Welcome back". So I guess now I have to figure out what I am giving up for lent this year, eh?

We aren't fireproof... yet.

We watched Fireproof tonight. I don't know what to say about this movie, no I take that back... I know what to say, but I don't know if all the words I have for it are enough. I sat watching this movie with Chuck and my mother.... she told me it was good, but good doesn't cut it. Its not enough. I am not a religious person. I grew up I went to Mass, I obtained my sacraments (First Confession, First Communion, Confirmation, and even Marriage... although my sacramental marriage ended in the very unsacramental divorce). My kids were baptized in the church. My dad died. I lost my world. My ex husband announced he was having a three year affair with my best friend. I lost my desire for what little faith I had left. I remarried my amazing husband. My life recovered, my faith not so much. My last two children were born, never baptized. I gave up on God. I gave up on him for "betraying me" Or maybe that is what I felt. I lost my faith and even though my life had overcome obstacles and I found where I needed to be, I never found where I NEEDED to be.

I went into the church with my mother today, taking steps into that building was easier then I thought. I figured ok, humor mom. walk in. go home. when she leaves you are off the hook. I was looking for the easy way. I sat in the pew and a lady began to speak to us, she introduced herself and told me if i had any questions about the parrish to please let her know. I thought in my mind "yea um ok" I knelt at the crucifix, I said a hail mary and I looked up. I said to him "God if this is where I am supposed to be, I want a sign.. show me" Ok.. he threw me a curveball and I was looking for a fastball.. damn. My mother emerged and told me the priest was a friend of my dads. My mother is 200 miles from her house. My mother should NOT know the priest. Damn. I sat there the tears filled my eyes and I thought.. ok.. maybe that WASN'T the sign.. maybe he's just kidding around. Idiot. Sign number 2. My mom calls my brother Mike and tells him about Father Rafferty.... as my mom is talking to my brother, he informs her that Dana (his wife), Caleb and he had went to mass to see his sister in law and brother in law reaffirm their vows in front of God. Ok... God.. was the sledgehammer necessary? really? No, wait.. theres more....we settled in to the living room to watch Fireproof, after the movie I went to http://www.fireproofmymarriage.com/, more tears and what I saw in front of me, made me realize 3 things. 1) I need to treat my husband alot better. He is the most amazing man, he is the main reason why I still held on to any shred of faith I had, I was just too stupid to see it. 2) I need to read the Love Dare, and do it.. ASAP. 3) I need to carry my fanny back to Mass. Its time. Its time to stop being angry and petty. Its time to get my children baptized, to get my older children the sacraments they are missing and most importantly it is WAY past time to reaffirm my vows with my husband in front of God. Its time to realize that while we may fight and bicker, there is a bigger picture, and maybe if we zoom out, we can find it. (yea I know.. this is the same person who cursed a few posts again.. i am not promising she won't return, I am just saying its time for my do over).

If you have not seen Fireproof, watch it. If you are wondering what is going on with your marriage and you need a hand, watch it with your spouse. Open your heart. Prepare to cry cause its inevitable. But if nothing else, be prepared to be wowed.

Happy Valentine's day and signs...

First of all Happy Valentine's day, my husband gets the prize, he got me new earrings (grown up ones that i can hide from the girls because they are MOMMY'S), a really pretty statue and a Mr Goodbar (its my favorite) I would have gotten roses but I beat him to the punch earlier in the day and gave him roses. ;o)~ I also got my mom roses. ;o)~ I am two for two lol. And how did we know it is Valentine's day because David woke us up this morning with "GOOD MORNING! HAPPY LOVE DAY" He's so cute.

My mom took me to dinner last night, its the first time the two of us have had dinner alone in some time and it was really nice. Well except for the hour long wait to get into the cheesecake factory... but dinner was very good, and then Mom decided she would bring home 12 slices of cheesecake, the cost of the cheesecake was almost the same as what we paid for two meals lol. which is sort of sad. . good thing it was AMAZING cheesecake ;o)~ (Tiramasu.. YUM-O) Tonight we are going to Logan's (Did I mention I love mom visiting?) for our anniversary and valentines day. (our anniversary..legally married.. is tomorrow)

And now for the signs.. I am Catholic. i am out of practice. My dad was a deacon. I stopped going to mass MANY years ago. Mostly because well, I was angry. Today, my mother asked me to take her to confession, so I did. (Good daughter. see?) I was there praying, and I looked up at the crucifix of this beautiful church and said "ok God.. if you are telling me to stop being angry.. give me a sign" Mom came out of the confessional and sat down next to me, she looks at me and says "Hes a friend of your dads" what??? are you serious? I started to cry (ok for the record I cry over everything.. someone makes it on American Idol. .I cry.. Hallmark commercials.. I cry.. really sappy moments. I cry) Apparently Dad and Father Rafferty went to school for the deaconate together. Wow. I am so shocked.. but i got the sign. We are going to church tomorrow morning and hopefully we will keep it going. Ok Dad. I got the point..

Sweet!!!

Ok.. i admit it I am a certifiable sap. So since tomorrow is Valentine's day (which is such a sweet day) I am going to list things that I find sweet:

A baby girl who is taking her first steps and toddles and wobbles and its so sweet to see her get to her target point and hold on

A hubby who makes me a cup of my favorite tea

Someone who remembers Valentines Day, birthdays and anniversarys

My mommy coming to visit us this week and taking me to Cheesecake Factory for dinner tonight. (I <3 you Nikia.. I really do)

My friend who gave me a valentine on Wednesday, who has her hubby helping my daughter with Geometry, and gave Emily the CUTEST Valentine dress to wear tomorrow (See Nikia I do love you lol)

A friend who sees I feel yucky today and makes me chickeny noodles today (I <3 Mel)

A teenage daughter who has her unsweet moments, but today gave me roses and chocolates.. I think i will keep her.

A 4 year old who encourages everyone to sing along with every song that plays in the jukebox in his head.

Cute puppies sleeping curled up (only you know that sweetness wont last and shes gonna eat a pair of underwear soon .. grr)

A wonderful friend who sponsors my giveaways and then gives me a big box of tarts to feed my addiction (I have a new favorite.. SEX in the shower is just YUMMY.. the tart ...the tart.. for all you having a party in your head...geesh)

And sweet are people who make me smile, friends who make my heart glad and a family who makes every day sweet.. although some days more then others ahem. lol

"The Good wife" 1955 vs 2009

On May 13, 1955 Good Housekeeping posted an article called "The Good wife" Since I am feeling saucy and quite frankly a bit peeved today, I will now show what was written in 1955 and then give my translation on what it means in 2009. **warning** there is question on Snopes whether this article is real or not, and since I don't know and know of nobody to ask, I am going to post that it MAY or MAY NOT have appeared.

1955-Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

2009-Aim to at least have an idea of what the meal will be, if you cant do this then at the very least have a backup plan of at least three take out menus. Have your speed dial finger ready ladies, he wants to eat in a hurry.. oh the heck with 3 menus.. Dominos delivers in 30 minutes .just call them or order online and track your order.

1955-Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

2009- try not to look like death warmed over, and if you have had a helluva day give him the evil eye and DARE him to say something stupid like "Damn didn't you take a shower today?" as you stand there covered in fresh spit up or god knows what other bodily fluid.

1955-Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

2009-see even in 1955, men wanted two women.. kidding. I know.. it means happy. you try and be happy after 8 hours at home with no adult contact.. Good luck with that one.

1955- Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

2009- pick up the big messes and hide them in the hamper, go back tomorrow and empty it out while he is at his job. As for the dustcloth, if the dust bunnies are fighting back.. i agree.. do it.

1955-During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

2009- Go back and read a few blogs ago.. a fire is NOT a good idea for him. We have heat.. turn it on..tada.

1955- Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

2009- HAHAHAHAHAHA.. encourage them to be quiet. oh thats good. Why should he get quiet when i have had noise all day. Nope Daddy's home.. PARTY on kids.

1955-Be happy to see him.

2009- hand him the baby... and run.. FAR away. Give him "Bonding time" and you go pee..ALONE.. trust me.

1955-Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

2009- even if your teeth are gritted.. try and smile.

1955-Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

2009- Can I just say after a long hard day, if he doesn't let me vent first (and i don't mean the coors vent can vent) then i can't promise he will make it to the hot dinner dominos will deliver in 30 minutes.

1955-Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

2009- really then its probably better if he NOT come home.

1955- Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

2009-I won't complain if he doesnt come home, as long as he doesnt complain when he brings his tail home that all the locks are changed, his stuffs on the front porch, and the dog bites him.

1955- Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

2009- if hes smart he does this for the wife..

1955- Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

2009- take off his shoes? um no. Hes on his own.. I don't like touching my feet let alone his.

1955-Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

2009- BWAHAHAHAHAHA I think this one is my favorite.... Master of the house my tail..ask him where things are, ask him if the checkbook is balanced.. yea ok.

1955-A good wife always knows her place.

2009- And a good husband knows his is right next to her.

Why me Wednesday?

This morning brings us to our next rousing addition of Why me Wednesday. The blog that asks the question that you really want the answer to some of the time, but know secretly its probably better if nobody tells you.

The alarm clock went off this morning..again. And I had to get up... Why me?

I got into a fight with my teenage daughter yesterday and am still sort of sad it happened... Why Me?

We have managed to pretty much spend all of our tax refund (trip and bills mostly).. Why me?

David has spent the past few days tearing up the house as soon as its cleaned up, and my mom is coming tomorrow.. Why me?

Wait it gets better.. Chuck has to work tonight so I won't have any help to rebuild it before she gets here... why me?

Emily just stole my breakfast... why me? (Good thing shes cute or i wold be annoyed lol)

Now my breakfast keeps hitting the floor.. ok now I am annoyed why me?

I have had a migraine for two days, and it hurts so bad even my eyes hurt.. ;o( Why me?

I had to get a new phone yesterday and lost all my ringtones.. why me?

I am dreading the next week as the end of February is always extremely hard on me.. why me?

I can't figure out facebook as fast as everyone else has and think I am facebook challenged.. why me?

Chucks back in school full time, while I know it will be good for us, I can't help but wonder if he is doing this for us and not for him.. and it makes me feel guilty if he is..why me?

My braincells are being sucked out of my head because kids TV is on, and I really just want to turn it off for a while but won't to avoid the fight it will start with David... why me?

and finally.. the lovely Louise asked me to pick 8 tart flavors for myself and her list is so big, I feel like I opened a bag of lays.. no one can just pick one or um 8. Why me?

So whats wrong with you today or right? or indifferent.. why me wednesday it!! (Crystal I expect to see this on your site today or I am gonna start leaving you one word comments on all your blog entries ;oP I'll be the phantom blogger.. wait.. I just told.. damn.. WHY me?)

Tribute Tuesday.

Tribute Tuesday was started by the ever so friendly Wayne, who has some of the CUTEST blog conversations with Jenn btw. (lovey dovey stuff is so sweet and its so nice to see) Wayne's window to the world: TRIBUTE TUESDAY this is his blog.. check it out and then join the fun.

Today, I offer tribute to my husband Chuck, (pick you jaw up honey.. yes it says your name). Chuck is one of a kind, we met online almost 12 years ago. . we were both married to other people. Neither of us were very happy. When I found out about my ex husbands affair with a former best friend, I searched for Chuck for someone to talk to. He at the same time was going through his soon to be ex wife taking his son to her native Iceland (supposed to be a two week vacation she never came back. ) ;o( Chuck and I got each other through the rough times, he was there when I originally TRIED to make my marriage work--and there when it fell apart and after 4 years we met face to face. The electicity that we had that first five minutes could have lit up 50 city blocks. I knew right then.. I was done. Head over heels.

We have had our shares of ups and downs, but I would definitely say the ups outweigh the downs. He has held my hand when I needed it, kissed my cheek, offered a hug and always remained the one constant in my life. Chuck is my true love. Chuck took on alot when he and I got together, he took on four children that were mine, and he has loved them as his own. We then added two more to the mix making our total 6 children (7 combined, as we can't forget Shane). He works 3 jobs so I can be at home with the childen, he works harder then most men. He does sweet things for me to include, during his deployments with the US Navy, not once but TWICE sent me flowers on Valentines day and Mothers day. He tries so hard to make our life perfect, what sometimes he doesnt realize is, from the moment he entered my life, it became perfect.

So today, I offer this tribute to my Tigger, I love you with all my heart.

Not me Monday

This blog carnival was created by MckmamaYou can head over to her blog an find out what she and everybody els has not been doing this week.

I did NOT go away with my husband and gamble with $200 of our tax money because in these tough economic times that would be silly.

I did NOT go get Popeyes for dinner last night because we got back from my moms and I was just too tired to cook.

I did NOT get into a fight with my mouthy 15 year old son and take away a video game he earned, and later feel a little guilty for doing so.

I did NOT want to scream when I noticed my sweet 4 year old once again ate Chex mix in my bed leaving crumbs all over our newly cleaned sheets. .grrr.

I did NOT sneak off to a wonderful Japanese steakhouse with my husband, mother and brother while my kids ate McDonalds on Saturday.

I did NOT secretly wish my children to have children just LIKE them when they grow up because of the attitudes my aliens (teenagers) have been throwing lately.

I did NOT wake up with a horrible migraine today and wish it was still Sunday and everyone wold be home.

I did NOT decide to do breakfast for dinner tonight because it is an easy meal and I am all in favor of easy tonight.

I did NOT just witness my dog pull the cat off the couch by his already balding tail and then spit out a mouthful of cat hair with disgust because how dare that cat leave his hairy tail on her tongue. dorky dog.

I did NOT wish at least three times since I started this blog to go back to bed and hide my head..

Just checking...........

Is it considered murder if you have to kill a mouthy teenage boy? Because if it is.. I may need an alibi .. soon. :oX Danny is in a snit because he washed the dishes and I suggested... he use soap to do so. And apparently nobody else on earth has as many chores as he has and I am a horrible mother. Wow. if thats true.. its very possible I am and today.. I am pretty sure I don't care.. grrrrr. Oh and um my very cute one year old just licked David's Buzz Lightyear ball.. umm eww. What a night.

Reconnection.

"I am sorry the couple you are trying to reach is currently unavailable, their lives have become more about the kids and work and the bills and everything else but the two of them...please try your call at a later time"

Had you tried to reach Chuck and I prior to yesterday you very likely would have gotten that answer, but now well not today. We went away. We left the kids in very capable hands. (They survived) And we went away. And it was lovely. We spent time together, we spent money together ;oX ok that part sort of stunk ..we lost it.. to the slot machines but we had a nice day, and I am glad we did it. Its not that we were having issues or problems before, we weren't. But there was a lack of communication and alot of grumbling. We just needed some time to be us.

We had a lovely weekend, my brother and I are speaking again too (After not speaking since Christmas). My mom. Well, this is the first time I have seen my mom since her stroke, she is getting around slower, and i guess because I know her, I notice that she isn't as healthy as I remember seeing her last. She takes a handful of pills in the morning, and is making efforts to clear steer of the bad things... well except, salt, butter and wine. But hey a step is a step right? :o)~ Her attitude is shes 70 years old... she's gonna drink her glass of wine, and eat her butter and salt because shes lived this long. You sort of have to give it to her lol

Ok Emily just crawled by me and the paint voluntarily jumped off the wall .she stinks.. BAD. more tomorrow. .tune in for not me Monday where I will admit to a LOT I didnt do ;o)~

We have a WINNER..........

Ok look ladies, you guys made this one a challenge for me. I read them all so many times, and each time my heart smiled. You guys definitely know what love is!!! So here we go with the winners and their prizes. Please email me at Gbrksfan@aol.com and I will pass on your prize info to the lovely Louise. Once again (And I hope she doesnt kill me) I had to pick four people. You guys were amazing and I have one grand prize and 3 honorable mentions (very honorable)

First for the honorable mentions.. you each get six tarts, please pick TWO scents from the wonderful http://www.dreamtarts.com/ and email me your choices:

JalenasMommy said..Being a Mommy. I never knew how strong this feeling was, and I would never trade it for anything!

Crystal said..Love is shoving someone in bed because they are snoring and need to turn over.

Jen said... Love is...catching baby spit up in your hand because you don't have a burp rag handy.

You ladies made me smile. :o)~ Now for our Grand prize winner, of 24 tarts with 8 wonderful scents (try cabana boy.. trust me on this one). No, its not because of the shameless "Love is winning because I never do" but that did win sympathy points (did you see Karen voted for you too? lol) No this is for this which made me smile:

Eileen said... Love is...huge monkey grins first thing in the morning.

And I do have another prize, while she cant qualify for the tarts, which is why I did not mention her in the beginning. Miss Louise Wins a prize as well for making my heart smile (and almost stealing first place from Eileen) with:

Louise said... LOVE IS...having a rotten day BUT knowing that soon...he'll be home to give me a big hug and tell me it's all going to be okay.

Louise, I have a special prize for you and you will have to wait for me to drop it off when I come see you :oP (aren't I a stinker?)

I thank you all for entering, and it is with out a doubt I say "Love is people who make you smile" Happy Valentines day. *muah*

is it life or a movie?

Ok, I can't be the only person who has noticed that sometimes life is more like a movie then a life. I started thinking about this a few days ago, no matter who you are, your life contains a plot, a cast of characters, some sense of category (drama, comedy, tragedy, horror, etc) and in almost all cases each chapter has a beginning and an end. Here are some examples of mine:

Drama- I have six kids, three girls. There. I am done. Instant drama. haha I kid. No, my family is full of drama, we have my Mom. I adore my mother, but a fair 50% of our conversations involve this "I think I am dying. I think I have(Insert choice disease of the week here)" or my personal favorite "IF I die, remember I have my excel spreedsheets (shes an accountant, the first thing she worries about is her numbers lol). Yes, we definitely have drama. We have my brother and his kids, me my kids, my ex husband, and well my entire family. Drama is definitely played out in our house.

Tragedy Sadly.. this chapter has visited us all too often. My brother David died of AIDS, when he died my brother Gregg lost his will. He keeps going because he has kids, but David was his twin, and to make matters worse technically his only "Blood relative" other then his children. Gregg and David were adopted as babies, they are as much my brothers as Mike and Rip, but I know this has to weigh on his mind. Greggs wife Dena left, and for a long time there was Drama and Tragedy in court. It was horrible, and only over the last few years that couse has changed. We lost my dad, the patriarch of our family. The most amazing man (only tops to my husband), he was the glue that held our foundation together, he left and now it seems we use duct tape to hold us together, we spring a leak, we just add another layer of tape. We will get by. Yes, tragedy too (unfortunately) lives in our house.

Horror- well thankfully the only horror we deal with really is the teenagers rooms. Whew. Not too bad, but alas I guess horror does live here too.

Action- Ok so we don't have Indiana Jones moments, there is no giant boulder chasing us down the street, we don't have shoot outs in our living room.. ohhh wait.. can we say we HAD action?? we used to live in a HORRIBLE area.. There were shoot outs nightly and the lovely woman who always added to the action sequence by screaming "B*tch you ain't my B*tch" hmm. I wonder if we will ever see that on a TShirt the way "Wheres the beef" appeared in the 80s. OOO markieting.. see more so movie related.. awesome. Yes, Action lives here. .not as often but its here.

Comedy- How can you have six kids and NOT have comedy? We may shed tears, but we also laugh. Boy do we laugh. Between David and his antics, Stephanie and I can cut up over just about any situation. (Elmo in Grouchland... there is a scene with a giant Chicken who says to Elmo "I am not Stooopid" Stephanie and I will look at each other and just say "Are you Stooopid" and lose our minds... yes.. I know. .we are nuts. its ok.. once you admit it and embrace all the people who talk in your head you realize you will be just fine (Morning Jim, Bob, Pete, Trixie, Diane..(yep.. I am so close to mine. I NAMED them). Comedy. What would life be without it? I have such a great story for Laughter lives Tuesday.. but I won't share it today. But I can't wait :o)~ Yes, Comedy definitely lives here, and I hope it always sticks around.

Science Fiction-ok remember the teenagers rooms from horror? These two sort of get to loop together. right? Well of course.. my blog my rules. score. Ok. sci fi lives here too.

Western- I like country music and cowboys. HA! I did it.. Western visits here ;o)~ Oh wait I can go one step further ever had to wrangle a one year old to change her, wipe her butt, or in some cases get something from her? I definitely think that gives me cattle points.. Western lives here too. sometimes.

Adventure. What would life be without it? We move through each day, We always wonder what part of the plot is next and some days we are standing on edge of the cliff holding on with one hand praying to make it to the next. That clearly qualifies us for adventure no? Adventure lives here.

And finally..

Romance. Dont worry I will spare you the details, but suffice to say, romance lives here (And I have the kids to prove it) But not just mine. My parents had a love story I looked up to, Seeing them together was like all the great couples from history, my parents were the stars of the movie for so long, and their love story still continues after he's gone. Me? Well, I definitely have a love story, and I pray daily that my story goes on and on and on like theirs, and I really love my leading man. :o)~

There you have it, our lives truly are made for the movies.. hmm. I wonder who will get to play me?

Just plain awesome..

I woke up this morning and for the first time in weeks I didn't have the instant panic attack of "OMG what will tomorrow bring? will anyone show up to turn off a utility or will something else happen" I know this sounds neurotic and it is, we hardly ever have the evil pink disconnect envelopes anymore, but for whatever reason when you know there is no money to pay something you just know that is the day they will show up to cut you off.. just because well they don't like you. .(yea I know it makes no sense but in my mind trust me.. there is ALOT of sense to this) then :::choir begins to sing:::: our taxes went into our account.. WOOHOO. So forgive me for extending the blog giveaway for a few more days, but Chuck and I are going away this weekend... we have not gone away together without our kids in close to 3 years. I think we are due lol. No, there will be no "surprises" 1) Chuck has been neutered (yes I know I said neutered but for the longest time i felt like a dog in heat each time I got two lines lol) 2) my mother and brother are joining us and 3)the only buttons I plan on pushing most of the time are on the slot machines. lol. We are going to go gambling. (we are being good only taking a little bit of the "Extra money" <---arent those fun words?) The kids meanwhile get to go to Nanas house for the weekend to hang out with their cousins (and may i say how much I love that my neice is still bribable at the age of 21)

oohh and big news from the kid front real quick.. Mary who has struggled so much for the past few years and broken my heart because she has just been so lost. got ALL B honor roll. I can't tell you how proud of her I am. She needed that boost so much to see that she can indeed do it and with success. ;o)~

Hmm what else is there.. oh be warned.. there will be lots of pictures soon. I got a new camera because I am married to the positively MOST awesome man on earth. I wanted a new camera one with some bells and whistles not with ALOT of bells and whistles as um I am not that smart lol. .but some. And I found the perfect one I got the FUJI S1000. Its so pretty. and so much fun to play with. and most importantly reasonably priced, we only paid $170 for it. ;o)~ And the kids all got some needed clothes and some other supplies. I didnt just spoil me.. I promise!! :o)~

Ok.. I am off to finish packing.. I will write more later (possibly tonight with a winner!!) Have a lovely weekend!!!

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

As always, I start my morning, I open the comics and I read them. Immediately, I see today's Marvin. No, no this is not about being stalked today, this is the humor in it. This is my children, from an early age, and I have proof to back them up. We shall refer to this as those lovely toddler years.



Exhibit A- My friend Michele was over visiting with her then 2 1/2 year old daughter Britney, we were downstairs just chatting and then we realize.. gee its REALLY quiet...as we get up to go check on the kids, in walk two little girls covered in black sharpie... not just covered the only thing we saw on them was two little eyes.. it took alot of work and alot of elbow grease to get them clean. Needless to say, they never were left to play alone again...THIS has been edited to identify the guilty party, because she told me NOT to.. as if.. Stephanie btw.. is Exhibit A's star

Exhibit B-Danny and AJ aka Mario and Luigi. Danny and AJ had a love for flushing things, no not normal things. They liked to flush things like tennis balls, barney figures, dry erase board ERASERS, ya know those LARGE items that get stuck and you have to call the plumber to pull up the toilet to dislodge the object and in some cases replace the whole toilet. Yes, my sons were alot of fun at that age. To this day, I get a Little bit of a panic attack when I see them going to pee :o)~

Exhibit C- Mary. No Mary didnt flush things, or draw on herself with marker. Mary was more the Picasso. And like any good artist once she learned how to write her name, she would sign all her art work. Every wall she tagged she would scribble or color and then write with a delicate hand, M-A-R-Y.

Exhibit D- David. David is now in these lovely years, where most kids get into writing on walls, or flushing things, or using the Sharpie with flair. David is special. David has conquered ALL those tasks plus lets add to it, he likes to get into whatever lotion I leave down low, or baby powder he can dump out, he also will tag the walls with glee and flair. David is the one child who can do it all within two minutes of no supervision.. and sometimes I think its closer to 30 seconds. Ah the fun of toddlers.

I have no exhibit E yet, as my E (Emily) is only a year old and thankfully has not discovered the ways of her siblings.

Maybe I will get lucky this time... please? Pretty please?

Tag I am it.. again.

I have been tagged by the wonderful Mrs B who belongs to this blog...Random Thoughts Of The Essential & Inconsequential

Step 1: respond and rework—answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.

Step 2: tag—eight other un-tagged people.

1. What are you wearing right now? blue jeans, a turquoise shirt with a hood and socks that don't match.

2. What's the last thing I read/ are currently reading? True Blood books that the series is a little loosely based on but still so good.. THE Complete List of Charlaine Harris True Blood Books Best Fantasy Stories

3. Do you nap a lot? Not really. I do sneak em when I can. but i would not say that I ........sorry I dozed off where was I?


4. Who was the last person you hugged? Mary after her shots

5. What's your current obsession/addiction? Brain age on the DS

6. What is your favorite moment of the day? When everyone is asleep and the house is still.. its beautiful.

7. What websites do you always visit when you go online? My Blog, the blogs I read, the damn IRS website til it posts, the online banking, Cafemom, Craigslist, sometimes Ebay, Myspace, facebook

8. What was the last item you bought? Utz chocolate pretzels.

9. What is your most challenging goal? losing weight

10. If you could pick up and go away tomorrow where would you go? Walt Disney World

11. Favorite Vacation spot? Walt Disney World

12. Say something to the person who tagged you: Tricia is a doll, she and I met via our blogs but she always makes me smile..even though she has neglected me this week.. but shes sick so I understand.

13. Name one thing you just can't resist no matter how bad it is for you: DR Pepper.

14. What is your favorite item of clothing? My Garth Brooks Kansas City sweatshirt

15. Favorite pair of shoes you keep going back to over and over, even though your closet is over flowing with a zillion others?! it doesnt have a zillion others but my polka dot vans or my crocs

16. Name one thing you can not live with out: my family

17. If you could have any other job besides your current job, what would it be? Child advocate

18. What's your favorite drink from Sonic? Ocean Water or Sunshine smoothie

19. Name the last naughty thing you caught your kid(s) doing: oh pick one.. we have porn from the older kids, david playing in shaving cream, Emily not going to sleep,Mary is Mary...so lots.

I am tagging:

Stephanie but im not a fan...

Crystal Crystal said what?? who gave me an award and I will get to it tomorrow I promise!! thank you!

Chucky Old mans answers to Old woman

Mel Mel's Musings

Amanda Flip Flop Mommy

Christine Life of a Princess!

Wayne (who also gave me an award this week and I will get to it tomorrow as well and thank you too!!) Wayne's window to the world

and finally Julie.. her blog is private but she will know who I mean :o)~

Why Me Wednesday...

Good evening I am late today, we will get into the whys of that in the middle of Why me Wendesday. And without further adieu.. why me Wednesday..

I had to take both girls to the pedetrician today, the 11 year old and the 1 year old..by myself. Why me?

There were shots involved... the 11 year old CLIMBED the wall and the 1 year old screamed like someone was pulling her fingernails off.. Why me?

By the time we left the building the 1 year old was giving me dirty looks and the 11 year old swore she would NEVER go to the doctor again.. Why me?

Both girls got glowing reports because they are doing so well healthwise and growin nicely. WOOHOO GO ME!!

The kids got report cards, some were good.. one kid not so much.. Why me and for that matter Why him?

I am tired and sore today.. I didnt sleep last night too well and I don't think tonight will be any better thanks to a little girl who got shots...why me?

I am painfully addicted to NCIS...and really dont need to add another show to my addiction line up.. why me?

I blame my oldest for this addiction because she's addicted too due to her absolute plan to go into the Navy when she gets out of high school.. Why me?

We cant find Emily's pacifier and if we don't, it will truly be a REALLY long night. why me?

Ok thats about it for not. .got any why mes for me? ;o)~

Tribute Tuesday

Tribute Tuesday comes to us via Wayne and his wonderful blog.. (you gotta go see the pretty snowy pictures on his blog!!). Wayne's window to the world

Last week, I wrote something to my Dad, and this week it only seems fair to write something to the other person who was responsible for bringing me to life.
My mom Betty.

My mother is the most amazing woman, she had five chidren, My oldest brother Rip, then they

adopted my brothers Gregg and David (The twins), then my brother Mike and finally they got lucky and had me :o)~

Each one of us, has always had the love of my mom, if we are hurting she fixes it if she can. If we are scared she calms us, and if we are happy she smiles with us. Thats my mom.

My mother is as proud of each of her grandchildren as she is of all of us, she loves and respects each one of them and their individualism.

My mom is one of those people who will call you five hundred times a day and usually tell you the same thing at least four hundred of those phone calls, but you still answer the phone because as my ring tone says "Answer the phone... your MOMMAS calling you.. dont you want to talk to your momma.. its YOUR momma. Answer the phone.. your Momma's calling you.. shes gonna be madddddd" And yes usually half way across the house i do hear my kids scream "hey mom.. your MOMMAs calling you".. har har.

So today I give tribute without a doubt to the woman who I owe everything, my mom. :o)~ She's one of a kind and for that I am grateful. (I figured since i used Dads West Point photo i would use moms graduation photo)

The thing about blogging.....

Did you ever notice that once you read a blog, and find something interesting about that blog, you are then hooked? I am such a blog addict. I lay awake sometimes at night wondering what will I write. Will anyone read it? Will anyone notice if I dont post a blog tomorrow? I feel like somedays I need a blogging 12 step program, but I just can't stop. Its like a new legal and um free drug :o)~ And the worst that happens is I get a smile, shed a tear, belly laugh til my stomach hurts or cry until I have the same pain. All in all, a small price to pay to get to be hormonal daily and say "But I read this blog...."

I have learned some stuff about people I have known for a couple of years, and made friends with people who my path may never have crossed if not for the words on these pages. I am grateful for everyone I meet via this experience, and while it may not last forever, I am sure enjoying while it is here. I have said before blogging is therapy, I can get out what I need to and it usually can fix my broken heart, or put a smile on my face. I am not afraid of needing to hide myself in this blog, and while I do appreciate the people who have to keep things private, I am not afraid to share my world and even share with you the interesting or not so interesting dealings of a mother of six.

Between watching Emily move around, and find her independence, David and dealing with Aspergers and his comical behaviors and dare I say some days not so comical, Marys drama queenitis, AJs life love and the pursuit of sports, Danny well Danny is Danny there isn't much to say other then when something happens and he asks "this isnt going in your blog is it?" (no Danny, not everything appears, for example I never told the story about finding out that we were pregnant with your little sister Emily, your reply was "OMG you had SEX again?" that would be wrong.. oopsie) Stephanie well Stephanie is unique all in her own. She's 17. doesnt that just say it all? And we can hardly leave out Chuck who again, is a whole beautiful chapter on his own. :o)~

Seriously, blogging has definitely become a way of life, seeing the insides of other peoples lifes and reading them, seeing other peoples victories, and at times their sorrows, there is alot to be said for blogging, and I think I am just glad I found it.

Not Me monday.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT make entirely too much food for the superbowl last night and then proceed to eat more then I should because after all, I am dieting and that would be wrong.

I did NOT audibily scream out loud when i realized we are less then TWO weeks from spring training (pitchers and catchers report!!)... because what kind of woman looks forward to baseball season (a smart one btw)

I did NOT make my sons who ordered 30 dollars in PORN on my cable bill work off their debt to momciety because 1) It ticked me off and 2) because I am evil. and I certainly did NOT completely block any pay per view channels on our cable in our to make sure this will never appear in NOT me monday again.

I did NOT go pick up two toys off of freecycle for Emily who doesn't need one more toy and that would be crazy.

I did NOT stalk the IRS website to see if our taxes have been completed yet (ok I have) because what kind of person does that?

I did NOT just admit to the world on this blog that I am desperate for that money because I am broke and our utilities for January were a bit painful.

I did NOT grumble at my mother this morning who gave me a list of six people she wanted me to call for her (because she hates making phone calls unless they are to me) because I am tired and have a headache.. because what kind of person would growl at their awesome mom? not me.

I did NOT put up a blog giveaway that has been a complete bust with only 3 people entering. :o(

and finally....

I did NOT just witness my four year old son squeezing an orange into a glass because he doesn't want orange juice from the container, he wants it from the orange...nope not here

Football and other things.

Today is Superbowl sunday, unfortunately my team (the Washington Redskins) didnt make it.. hey what can I say? There's always next year... hmm I seem to say that alot. Oh well. Its ok. I wont cry.. And besides our family still is throwing our superbowl party with lots of food, some friends and enjoyment of the super bowl commercials. Yep you heard me right.. we look forward to the commercials. ;o)~ Sad huh? This year we are making Biscuit pizzas, lumpias (thanks to mels recipe), nachos, fruit (to counteract all the bad for you food), deviled eggs, dessert lumpias (apple, strawberry and lemon pie filling filled) and stephanie and I made this cake:

the goal posts are made of twizzlers (and toothpicks to hold them together, the players are yellow (Steelers) and red (Cardinals) gummy bears, two white gummy bears for the referees, a um Orange gummy bear (The disgruntled Bengals fan (chucks team) peeing on the Steelers endzone) and a milk dud football. ;o)~ We are quite proud of our cake.

I am not sure who I am rooting for tonight.. not really sure. I am not really a fan of either team. I guess i will root for the commercials ;o)~ I always love them.. and ya know really the only thing the superbowl means to me is only 2 more weeks til spring training!! WOOOHOO I am a baseball fanatic. I love love love baseball.

Ok time to get ready.. please don't forget about my blog giveaway. Only two people have entered. ;o( It makes me sad. Come on don't you wanna see me smile? please? Have a lovely Sunday.