The Old Lady in the shoe has got nothing on me!

Trust me.. I mean it.

I mother six our house sanity is optional.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Sometimes you don't know whether to laugh or cry

So the past week, I have been monitoring my stalkers. You know keeping an eye out for them, because I knew they were up to something. They are ALWAYS up to something. And that is when I observed this:
Sighs. Before I had children, sticking my hand in the toilet was worse then throwing up. I could not fathom any reason I could possibly have to put my hands down the pee & poop throne. Then I had children. Since that time I have chased down the following (but not limited to) items: A cell phone (twice), a bart simpson character, a dry erase board eraser, markers, batteries, a jingle bell 50 times the size of a regular one, a baseball, my necklace (barely got that one back), and my personal favorite..a squirt gun that was apparently trying to be filled per my then 4 year old son. Yep, when it comes to saving big plumbing bills or an item that we can not live for another second without (ok we could) sticking your hand in the toilet isn't as bad as it seems.

Do you know when I go places and I am sitting all alone in that private bathroom stall, I get almost giddy. The door is shut and locked and I am alone. See, I have not had privacy in a potty in so many years I am not sure we actually own a door on our bathroom. There is nothing more eye opening then hearing your four year old announce as you are dropping your pants "WOW MOM!! YOU HAVE A BIG BUTT!" Why thank you son, I just ordered my wide load bumper sticker, it should be here next week. Or how many times have you been in the shower and had the curtain ripped open? " HEY MOM! Can I have a snack" Good lord eat the entire kitchen for all I care, just get the @#*@ out of the BATHROOM!!" Yep, who needs privacy when you have kids?.

Yep, thats right. you want to go out? alone? Please make check payable to (enter name here). Or in the case of a teenager who is a sibling, it is more like an auction. The bidding war begins for the things they want in return for their babysitting the "Spawn siblings" (aren't you wondering if I have ever heard that before? no of course not. haha) In our house, I can usually guilt trip the kids into a date night about once a month. . I walk around the house and sigh.. eventually the oldest gives in. If that doesn't work I announce that if I don't get grown up time soon I am going to have a melt down. Yep, thats right. I threaten meltdowns to get out.. its wrong its evil.. but hey.. it works :o)~

When we have babies, we wait for the first roll, the first crawl, and then for them to walk. Then we wish we had a rewind button. Once a baby begins to walk we have to clear the tables of all belongings we ever cherished. We have to put away anything of value, move all items from the bottom two entertainment center shelves up, and realize that our houses will now resemble Toys R Us or even Romper Room for the next few years. All that money that was spent on collectibles, and the collectibles are up so high nobody can seee them. Sighs.

This is so true. I used to think I was smart, not brilliant but I at least had some functioning brain cells. Then my kids entered school. They brought home math problems with more letters then are in the actual alphabet, and my only reply was "Ask your father" who's only reply was "Ask your mother" . So now when they come to me, I just get a glassy look in my eyes and they turn and walk away --quietly and quickly--and allow Mommy to have one of her "moments".

Ah yes.. you have spent good money on something.. doesn't matter what.. its going to be junk in no time. Whether you spent money on sunglasses (who just can't sustain the pressure of having their arms pulled backwards until they touch), a pooh bear figurine that has a bee knocked off his nose (I don't know how it happened Mommy it JUST fell off.. mmhmmm). Pick an item .. any item..If you put an effort into buying it.. its gonna land up broken and there will be tears.. from the kids and you. Sighs.

Ok.. admit it.. you can relate to one of these if you have kids.. if you have elementary kids probably two of them.. if you have middle schoolers easily 3.. If you have teenagers you could have written this. and if you survived and made it to grown up children. I salute you! And please send any tips my way. :o)~

1 comment:

Crystal said...

I can realate to every last one lol