The Old Lady in the shoe has got nothing on me!

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I mother six our house sanity is optional.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Erma Bombeck?

A very good friend of our families, recently told me that I should write a book about life and things I know. That I write with humor and have flair like Erma Bombeck. Now, if you know me. You know that this, aside from "have you lost weight?" (yes, btw 16 pounds since December 30th!!!! Can I get a woot woot?? Sorry.. my bad shiny object syndrome.. I am back). As I was saying if you know me, you know being compared to Erma Bombeck, is similiar to a Mommy blogger being compared to MckMama with her wit, awesome mommyness etc. Being compared to Erma Bombeck is like Rachel Ray being compared to Julia Child. Being compared to Erma Bombeck is like saying David Wright could very easily be the next Babe Ruth(baseball reference because we are only 32 days from spring training.. WOOT WOOT!).

You see, my goal since I have been knee high to a grasshopper (does anyone say that anymore? well I just did.. guess the answer is yes than huh?) has been to be a writer. Not about anything more than my family or my life, just the idea of being able to write. For me, that is why I started this blog. I am in the "well, gee thats great but I kind of think I suck" mode, others can say "Wow you have a knack for this, and I think "I have who for what?" Its not that I don't think I can write.. quite the contrary I know I can write, its more the "does anyone really care what I say?

So, I got to thinking (hey!! its 6:15 am on Sunday, I went to sleep at 10 PM.. I am awake and creative... I am gonna so pay for this later today), how does one do just that? No not write a book, be so creative that people are compared to you many years past. And I got nothing. damn. I don't think when I write though. I sit at this keyboard, or any keyboard around me and I begin to type. For no other purpose than well, I can easily get out what I need to say and writing is an outlet for me. I am sad, I write. I am mad, I write (Chuck usually doesn't like those it means hes in trouble). I am proud, I write. I am happy, I write. I have read every single Erma Bombeck book, I have read her quotes and I think that in my book should be canonized like Mother Teresa. :o)~ She was just so awesome, so 2010 my year of changes, I am now going to add that I am going to try and organize my thoughts (picture a Rubik's cube, no matching sides.. yikes) and see what I can come up with.

Erma Bombeck, this wonderfully funny mother who left her mark on society with so many books and quotes, is my hero. She to me was the whole package: a mother, a comedian and a author. Awesome. I am leaving today's blog with a few quotes from her, please suck in the greatness of Erma with me, and please leave me feedback. If you think I am a talentless wit, say it.. Its ok I can take it.. :o)~

"Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change?" -- Erma Bombeck

Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born. -- Erma Bombeck

Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-rearing, they are unemployed. -- Erma Bombeck

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, "What light?" and two more to say, "I didn't turn it on." -- Erma Bombeck

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop offs at tedium and counter productivity. -- Erma Bombeck

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week? -- Erma Bombeck

I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows. -- Erma Bombeck

See, how brilliant she is? Although I had to chuckle at the last one. In my house when I head to the bathroom and find the toilet paper not on the roll, I open the door and summon the entire group (yes all 7) to the bathroom. I hold in my right hand the roll of TP in my left I hold the toilet paper holder. I place it on and insert ooohs and ahhhs as needed. My kids and husband roll their eyes and leave telling me "they got it" and usually for the next week they do. After that however the statute of limitations runs up and they all forget. It is like ice cubes. Have you ever noticed that the recipe for ice cubes is a closely guarded secret? I know! I always thought it was just water too!! But my kids, well my kids have shown me i am wrong. If it was something that easily surely they would do it, right? Right? Ok please someone tell me I am right.

1 comment:

Cybil said...

I love Erma Bombeck too! Great quotes. And yes - you are right!