I am trying... really I am...

I am trying this being positive thing.. and at times, it works.. just swimmingly. Ya know teling myself that everything is ok.. and we are fine, and then a piece of mail comes in, and inside that piece of mail is someone who wants more money. And then i feel like we are drowning again, its never this dramatic.. we aren't drowning but for whatever reason.. when the bills come in, i almost want to crawl the walls or find somewhere to hide. In the end things get paid, I stop panicing but its the initial heart palpations of how will i make this work. Ridiculious as it sounds, I can turn anything into a stressful situation. Its a gift.

Chuck got an application for BJs yesterday, mostly because the part time job while the benefits are nice (the free movies) the pay isnt cutting it. There is actually a funny story behind it, the manager sees us in there all the time, and said I am gonna put you in a vest. We laughed it off, but he went ahead and got an application, hes going to fill it out. He works three days a week someweeks.. most weeks..and that works.. but two days a week doesn't come close to cutting it. I worry that he will get overwhelmed as he has in the past with a different job, but he doesnt want me to work, and something has just gotta give. The bills in the new house are a bit higher then in the old house. But you have to trade off, we have safety, to me thats worth having grilled cheese and soup for dinner one night a week right?

Nikia and I have decided we are running away... when we get money, become independently wealthy or ya know we get enough donations (lol) we are going to Hershey PA and going to the cocoa spa. Damn.. its the new year we are dieting if we can't eat it.. we may as well lay in it, or get smothered in it right? :o)~ see.. now I found something to look forward to in 2009. Nikia and I will find a way to do a Thelma and Louise getaway (minus the driving off the cliff and the other illegal activities) just the fun stuff. Again breaking one of my rules from before no husband no kids.. but but.. honey i can explain...... honey? :o)~

More tomorrow.. because Like Sands through the hour glass.. these are the days of my life. (oooooohhh how long til I can go up against Susan Lucci for a daytime emmy? and when do I get paid like them.. I can do dramatic)

Not Me Monday....

Welcome to this weeks edition of NOT me Monday. Where I tell you the things that I did not do so you will all know that I am June Cleaver and NOT Joan Crawford.....

I did NOT cry this morning because my littlest baby is now 1. Nope that would be silly. .who cries over birthdays? Nor did I look at Mary and notice that she is "blossoming" and think oh my god.. shes growing up too and sniffle again.

I did NOT let Chuck play hookie today because well he should be at work NOT using a vacation day in the first week of the new year.

I did NOT curse at someone in the parking lot at BJ's to hear David echo me.. ooops.

I did NOT take away Emilys bottle today.. because that would be mean. nope.. I sure didn't.. but um shes doing fine :o)~

I did NOT yell about wire hangers in the closet.. haha kidding seriously.. i did not yell but I wanted to see if you all were paying attention ;o)~ and for those of you who are too young to have seen Mommie Dearest.. that saddens me.. deeply

OOOO I did NOT thoroughly enjoy watching Davids principal squirm today, as i gave her the humdinger of a label we got for him (his doctor thinks he has aspergers.. and yes this is the first time i have mentioned it by name.. i plan on blogging about it this week) and watch her face as she asked me "how did I miss this?" (her degree is in special education) No I didn't enjoy it because that would be mean.. I enjoyed it because she made me so upset when she asked for a label in the first place.

And finally.. I did NOT just eat the last piece of cake with Emily while David and Mary ate the last piece of ice cream cake because we knew there wasnt enough for everyone but just the perfect amount for us and everyone else is at school and what they dont know wont hurt me ;o)~

For Just one week.....

I read this wonderful blog, http://icecreamdiary.blogspot.com/ she is witty and funny, and today she posted that she is going to do a weekly blog called "For Just One Week" and you have to commit to do something for a week. Hmmm. this is so much easier then trying to do 8 billion things.. that I ignore :o)~ I can attempt to keep my ADHD self focused on two at a time. .. I think... so I vow for one week, to stick to a menu no matter how bad I may want to sneak off of it, and I vow for one week to work with David on his workbooks every day. Even when we both aren't in the mood. :o)~ ok these are my goals... wish me luck.. if you do this please post your "For Just one week" on her Mr Linky. :o)~

Head em up, move em out... RAWHIDE

Once Christmas hits and you look around the room you notice that your once clean living room, looks like.. well.. it looks like Toys R Us threw up in it. To make matters worse, a mere 10 days after Christmas two kids have birthdays. So we had toys toys everywhere.. stuff that has sat untouched for months (mostly because Emily outgrew it) or David just didnt play with it anymore. So today,we cleaned up the living room and if it hasnt been touched at or looked and was still in good usable condition it went on freecycle. If it was in questionable condition (IE the car that had three wheels.. safety hazard in my house? never...ok maybe JUST this once) we threw it out.. we incorporated my mothers theory of if in doubt throw it out.. then we did under the sofas... have you ever cleaned out under the sofa in a house with kids home for the last two weeks on winter break.. it wasn't pretty.. but we all survived. Thank heavens. And our living room is clean and that makes me happy ;o)~ Poor Emily has toy ADHD now though... all her stuff is set up and organized and she is zipping from the Pooh table, to the Laugh and Learn kitchen, back to Elmo that blows kisses, back to the big Little Tykes Kitchen, quick knock over the penguin and clap that he giggled. Shes all over the place. she is starting to let go of things, and I know very soon she will just take off walking. Is it bad that i want her to slow down? Not so fast kiddo.. you're the end of the line. sighs. oh well it sounds good on paper. I love watching her explore new things though... and this little girl is hilarious.. anything that plays music, she hears it and her hips start shaking...Shes like a little Shakira lol.

So imagine this, Nikia text messages me this morning asking if I had seen an ad on Freecycle.. there was a woman posting looking for a surrogate. This made me feel sad for her, sad that she cant experience having a child on her own (she wrote that she had cervical cancer when she was 25 years old), but also sad that she has chosen a route such as freecycle to find someone. I feel so bad for this young woman, but it also took me aback. I am not sure I would be so forthcoming to post out on a trading forum that I was looking for a surrogate, regardless of anything she posted her phone number and some other information and while you trust that people on this message board will handle it with loving care, you could land up with that one person who is not good. I am going to keep her in my prayers, because as a mother I know there is nothing more special then holding that little baby in your arms from the first moment you touch their skin.

Mel handed me a bag of conversation hearts earlier today.. I swear to you, this is the one candy I look forward to all year long. I am like a giggly school girl when I get my hands on the first bag, I love conversation hearts. When I was little it was to read them, now as I was eating them I was reminded by Mary "Mom they have words on them" PMS is in town.. words?? who needs words. Sweet sugary goodness.. THATS what i need.. (come on you females out there.. at least one of you just said Amen). Yes, chocolate too. That bowl of hershey kisses and tolberones is mocking me. Its calling my name pleading with me to just go ahead and BITE me. Diet is supposed to start tomorrow??? and my period is in town.. so I hereby bequeath the start of the diet has permission to wait one week to start as I must get past my desire to eat a tub of frosting just because. ;o)~ see I am not ignoring my resolution, I am giving it the week off. Go me.. its not cheating.. its PLANNING. (yea I know its cheating but it sounds so much better this way).

Ok I am off to go lay on the couch and pretend I am thinking about something earth shattering...with my eyes shut. :o)~ have a lovely day!!

Saturdays events in our house....

We celebrated Emily and Marys birthdays today, Emily had a lovely Disney Princess cake with light up Princesses, Mary had an adorable ice cream cake with Cloe and two of her animals from the Bratz on it. Pictures? no a smart mother would have taken one before they cut the stupid cake.. and unfortunately I am NOT a smart mother. .damn. Sighs. Oh well... we will be doing another cake on Monday for the real birthday and promise then we will definitely have a picture.. i promise I dd however get a picture of her and her smash cake.... and ripping into her presents... ya know the two that she got to open before her four year old brother helped her.. ;o)~ Thankfully it was alot of fun. Emily had no concerns with getting dirty, or should she do this.. well there was the initial hesitation of, come on.. there is no way you are leaving this on my tray.. ok pick it up.. or on the count of.. 1.. what comes after 1? I am still new here.. oh the heck with it.. DIVES in for the cake big grin on face.

My oldest two boys returned from my moms house today, they seem to have enjoyed themselves.. although with mom in the hospital, they ate so much take out in the past week, i am not sure they know how to eat a homecooked meal. Oh well, they will relearn real quick.. trust me. Actually, Danny came in and seemed delighted to hear I was MAKING dinner lol. meatball subs, and I am the next best thing to Emeril. GO me. ;o)~ Although.. maybe I am pretty close after all.. AJ is all excited about the meal too.. this will change when they find out their chores return.. (the dishes) ;o)~

All in all, we had a good day, we got up sort of late.. 9:30.. hey in mommy time thats like noon.... we got Emily ready for pictures, and we went to have them done.. they came out SO cute!!! The photographer is a friend/coworker of Chucks and she did a fantastic job.. although I am about 90% sure she doesnt know Emilys name as she kept calling her Emma. lol. Emily good agreeable kid she is just smiled on command and played nice. we then went running through the stores we had to go to, and then home for birthday cake and presents. All in all a quiet day.. which is not a bad thing.

Ok more tomorrow I am gonna go put my feet up and relax. Miss Emily has her AJ back and is going to bed. For whatever reason she loves him to put her to sleep, its "their time" ;o)~ so sweet. OOOO one more thing!! pictures from earlier ;o)~ LOL

Before Cake....... and AFTER CAKE

The downside

Have you ever noticed after the holidays, the downside? No, its not that we have bills we can't pay, its not that the tree is gone or all the decorations, hell its not even the 800 lbs we want to lose in the new year.... its the holiday letdown. We all run around in the hustle and bustle, we spend more then we should, we eat more then we should and then we spend all of January trying to figure out how to make things work. Without losing our mind. Its not that we will not make it, we will. I know we will. Its just the struggle of it all that sort of sucks. (See 2009 the year of the positive.. rock on.. the positively believable.. not so much.. i am working on it ok?)



When I think of what we have to look forward to in 2009, there is some stuff but for the most part my schedule is pretty open. I am supposed to have my 20 year high school reunion, but as it turns out the same snobs from high school who were over achievers then are the same as they are now. I had been working on the reunion committee until they sent out that lovely email with the pricing $200 a ticket... yea I wish that was a misprint. Are you kidding me? Stephanie is graduating next year with that we will have senior dues, senior pictures, expenses out the wazoo, not to mention prom, SAT stuff, and I am sure there will be more.. because lets face it kids cost money. Its not a bad thing, but $200 for one night seems a bit over the top to me, and while I would love to see who has changed and who has stayed the same, for that cost I will probably just skip it. Ok truth be told we will probably land up at the picnic my class inevitably will hold, its where all the classmates who are either a) too broke or b) too cheap or c) like me and both lol go to see our classmates with out the cost.. other then that, there really is not that much that I have to look forward to this year. Other then to make my plans stick. I am not going on an exciting vacation, I refuse to spend money I don't have to, so I will probably not go on silly trips I should avoid. Its not that I don't have fun on my little escapes, but it always seems to cost so much more then it should or could. So unless my husband is going, I am not. If my kids are not having the same fun, I dont need it.



My mom called me this morning (she is doing much better),we talked about my oldest brother, who my ex husband lives with.. my ex has apparently moved in his girlfriend, and I told my mom I feel that my brother needs to tell my ex husband that the girlfriend needs to pay something (Which means they will decide its a great idea, and have me tell him)... NO grown up who works and makes money (even minimum wage) should live rent free. If you are living somewhere, using their utilities, their house, their food etc, pay something. I have stated that before, because I know even when were 18 living in my parents house, we gave our parents 100 a month or something. I don't understand people who feel the world owes them a living, and they should not be held responsible for themselves, and I think in 2009 I need to make myself froggy enough to tell people that. My niece lives with my mom, she doesn't pay rent but she drives my mom around and runs my moms errands, I think that is fair. My 20 year old nephew lives in what we dub "the frat house" with five guys.. they each pay money. I think everyone if you are over 18 need to pay something, be responsible for yourself. Nothing in life is free, nor should it be.. or should it be presumed to be.

Ok grumpy blog over.. time to try and find my positively positive smile and order Miss Emilys cake for her birthday.. can she really be almost 1?? It seems like the last year flew by!! And Mary turns 11...so I came up with a solution to "omg we can't have two birthday cakes.. that is just too much cake!!" So Emily is getting a one year old princess cake.. trust me the crown fits.. and Mary is getting a Bratz carvel ice cream cake.. so that means we are having CAKE and iceceam CAKE ;o)~ I am so brilliant I scare me.. seriously.. ;o)~ Ok time to post this puppy and try and get some stuff done.. more tomorrow. Keep a smile on your face and a song in your heart ;o)~

Haha Made you look!!!

You were thinking when you saw that little bitty Happy New Year, well she got her first one in for 2009, we won't hear from her til friday.. WRONG. I am still as addicted in the first 12 hours of 2009 as I was the past um 3 months of 2008.. thats right ROCK on......I am blogging again! go me! Ok.. I need help.. I can say that... this is my therapy. Its cheap, its fun, and um I dont have to lay on a couch to spill my guts.. THATS just the bonus. :o)~ Awesome.

OK.. so I sat here and thought... what do I need to do more of in 2009 and I have made a list. That's right a list, go ahead.. be afraid.. its perfectly normal and even politically correct. See? I am not normal, but see.. again.. Thats why you all keep coming back. you are waiting for the day to see "Tricia's blog is closed because the men in the white coats finally came and took her away" They're coming to take me away ha ha ho ho hee hee.. anyone else remember that song from the 80s or I am just that old?.. dont answer that.. unless your Mel.. shes older then me :o)~.. yes i know Mel.. "bite me" I got it.

Sorry I got away from the point of this blog... to list my PLANS for 2009.. thats right plans.. not resolutions.. i can do plans.. i can NOT do resolutions.. so maybe we just need to change the name:

1) I plan to do one thing for me each month, go get a cup of Starbucks, go to a movie, get my toes done, something small something nice.. but something for me.

2) I plan to go on a date at least ONCE a month. With my husband (he would SO not approve if it was with someone else). I plan to do dinner, or a movie, or something at least ONCE a month. because we need it.

3) I plan to keep my laundry caught up, because I love that it is no longer in control of my life. Go me. well and Chuck and Stephanie too for moral support..

4) I plan to eat better, yes, that means healthy but it also means that one meal a week, Stephanie and i are going to go into a cookbook, or a recipe site (please send me any you guys have) and we are going to try something new. And if the people in the house don't eat it.. they can have hotdogs. ;o)~ Such a good mom huh?

5) I plan on exploring my cultural side. I promise this means more then "I am going to drink wines from different countries or of different colors" (oooo but thats good, i am gonna keep that too!!), I plan to learn stuff and read more then smut.

6) I plan to be more confident in myself, I am sorry of always feeling like I am on the outside of the world looking in, I plan to be confident.

7) I plan on telling people what i think rather then letting it stew up until i have to explode.. and here is the shock.. are you ready? I did it this morning.. i told my brother why i got so upset at Christmas. and he listened and wasnt a jerk.. I think i am impressed.

8) I plan on taking control of my life, and keeping control of it. Someway some how.

Ok. i think that does it. Will it work? I hope so. ;o)~ But i figure since i said plans not resolutions it just might.